Settings Rules for Your Personal Self Care.

1. Meals by a certain time frame.
   Example: I've set my rules as breakfast between 1 p.m. and 2 p.m.; and as soon as you realize you've missed the time frame you force yourself to drop whatever you're doing and go eat.
   
2. Chores within a certain window of time.
   This one needs to be a hard fast rule. You set a goal time of say 4 p.m. and set an alarm if you have to. Do this first time slot for a week. Then evaluate. 
   Does this time slot work?
   Do you have your errands run for the day by this time?
   Is it hard to get going on the chores when it's at this time?
   Does it make it easier to flow into making one of your meals with chores being on the beginning of the hour?
   Make adjustments via 30 minute increments. If you find you can't really get shit done in the afternoons, flip it to A.M..
   Try to start the chores in the hour time frame of 9 A.M. and adjust by 30 from there. Within three months, you'll find the sweet spot.
   
3. Set realistic daily goals.
   When I say realistic, I mean write down your baseline that you find you manage every day. Aim to hit those every day to the point that they become instinctive.
   
4. Add new daily goals slowly.SLOWLY. It's reached the point that no matter how I feel I still try to do at least five dishes. Now I know that doesn't seem like much but when you're sick, fives dishes here and five dishes there can keep the kitchen from going under. Daily things can be added like drawing practice (for those with that inclination), writing (even if it's just typing out "I don't know what to say" you'll get bored of that pretty quickly and something will happen) or say washing one window a day.
   If you fall off the wagon one day, that's okay. Start over from the day before and keep going.
   
5. Honest treats and rewards for yourself when you achieve goals.
   Things like you get to binge on your favorite TV once you've managed to keep the dishes more washed for a month. Managed to vacuum at least once a week for six weeks and it's now a habit to do it on day (insert). You get your favorite beer once you hit a two month mark on something. A cup of your favorite tea(s) at the end of each day so that you can savor what you've done. And be honest about whether or not you've earned. Sometimes we have days were it's just better to shut the doors and windows and hide under blankets. Stay hydrated those days, but no rewards. The point is to be in control of your life enough so that those days don't put you behind in taking care of yourself and your world.
   
6. Break tasks and goals down by daily, weekly and monthly.
   Break your daily tasks down (mail, dishes, cleaning the dandruff off the cat, brushing your teeth, etc). These are your bare minimum and it's okay if those are all you manage. Now add in the weekly but spread the weeklies out over the week. Don't do them all in one day. Do trash round up every three days. Do vacuuming once a week (twice if you have pets and members of the family have allergies if you have a place that is all carpet). Laundry gets a specific day. CHANGING YOUR BEDDING GETS ITS OWN DAY AND PREFERABLY ON A DAY YOU'RE DOING LAUNDRY.
   Monthly tasks: decide at the beginning of the month when you're going to do them. No I'm serious. Things like, scrubbing the tub, cleaning a shelf on the fridge (this can be done over three days time honestly), washing windows (when was the last time you did that?), etc.
   

Those are the most basic rules that I can derive from my personal experiences over the past several years. It's taken awhile to figure them all out. And to be honest, you should probably write them out. For whatever reason, we remember things better (right now) by writing them out. Don't let the computer program auto-finish it for you.

Print off a checklist for your week. Divide it into days. Keeping taking care of yourself and your home in bite sized chunks is a building block to later improvements.

So it doesn't really matter if you like the Bullet Journal method, a normal planner or what not, employ it. You're worth the effort.

Self Care First Aid!

Today's post might be a bit of tangled mess and for that I apologize. I had a great idea it's just been a bitch trying to figure out how to express the different points. Hell even identifying the different points that are important have been... kinda fighting me. Doesn't help that today was laundry day. It wasn't all that stressful today as the laundry mat was all mostly older folks who don't really bother anyone. It was just stressful enough that when we got home and I noticed one of the dogs knocked over my tomatoes plants at some point this morning, I had to sit down and crochet for awhile. In this instance checking to see if a design of mine would work in chunky yarn. Oh hey... I guess that ties back into my title doesn't it?

So let's talk about a small elephant in the room. No seriously, it's a small one. Maybe about two or three years old. Pagans, Wiccan's, Witches, Heathens... whatever your tag, it seems like we have a lot more people than other groups that deal with anxiety, PTSD, depression, etc. I think a part of that is one of the things that is becoming or has become intrinsic to our 'community', is taking on a level of emotional honesty about what we're dealing as human beings. How many of us can honestly say the last Sabbat, Esbat or God/dess feast day we remembered to celebrate without being reminding by the Internet or friends? I think I managed last night, but it was because I was engaged in a self care ritual of sorts.

I'm starting to think we need to have a little bit of a focus shift. We can't be good stewards of our craft, if we aren't taking care of ourselves. We can't take care of our communities. Our inner circle of tribe, our friends or our family. We can't take care of our home or the pets that the Universe has placed in our lives to bring us some joy and unconditional love. 

It's time we do some first aid our lives and minds when it comes to our self care habits and needs. So I've been trying to figure out how to hash out the steps which was a bit more complicated today than normal. Usually when I do one of these essay's the words flow. Not today so much. They are there but they need some coaxing. So let's do some breaking down.

Normal first aid has steps like stopping bleeding, clearing airways, etc.

So needless to say our steps are going to be very different in some regards and more in depth.

1. Identify your worst problems. Like for me it's my depression, anxiety and PTSD mental and emotional wise. Physical wise it's I hate being pain so I don't exercise like I should be and hip problems. 
2. Identify your Shadow.
   This is the part of yourself that has everything repressed. Don't sweat identifying everything. Shadow work is something EVERYONE regardless of beliefs should do. It's a life long thing too. Everything you try to force yourself to forget and every negative emotion you squash becomes a part of the shadow and shadows left un-dealt with become something much much worse.
3. Identify how your problems manifest themselves.
   Do you skip showers for days? (We need to save money on the water bill. I have no friends who come over so why bother. I'm always sick. I don't have the energy.)
   Just don't eat? (I have got to finish this project. I don't want to get out of bed. Why do I even bother cleaning this house no one cares? etc etc etc)
   Obsessively engage in a behavior? You get the general idea.
4. Identify feedback loops, both positive and negative.
   I literally just got done this couple of weeks figuring out this step. Forcing yourself to put down your work so that you can eat, bathe, worship etc; is fucking hard.
5. Identify all the things that make you feel better.
   Pet play time! A good cup of coffee or tea. Taking a hot bath with smelly goods. Putting a favorite album on repeat. 
6. Identify what you are spending the most time and whether or not it's actually making you feel better in the long term. Short term be damned.
   If you're spending hours on ( insert site) arguing, you're not improving your mental mindset. You're not improving your ability to take care of yourself. You're not loving on your dog or cat or what not. You're not catching up on dishes, on cleaning a floor, on making that hat you promised. You're wasting time on things that aren't constructive to yourself, your home and those that genuinely need you. You're harming yourself. Quit that.

All of those take work and time. The next step of Self Care First Aid after Identification? I'm still working on how to explain that part with clarity. For me it's been setting up routines. It's been designating a chore hour where:

• I fill the dish drainer with dishes at least once if not at least five dishes clean.(This will get upped to at least six dishes in a couple of months.)
• Check on my plants on my way outside to throw away the day's trash and check on the mail.
• Morning routines are drinking coffee in bed currently (Seriously OMG I love DR dearly. Most mornings, this is my day start. Along with being under a purring cat and puppy pile.)
• Not checking social media sites right away. I go play one of my mobile games.
• Check my Bujo to do lists so that I know how much energy I'm spending today on the once or twice a week chore.

See what I mean about that second part? It's been hard to nail down

into a process. Plus there's the long hot relaxing bath on full moons now. There's literally nothing stopping any of us from being engaged in our practices in a manner that helps us be better people. Taking care of ourselves and our self care processes becoming better so that our days are less stressful because let's face it, we are our own biggest sources of stress 99,999,999 out of 100,000,000 times. We are to blame for things becoming sources of aggravation because we aren't weighing what is going on properly. This is self harm. And we all need to stop it.

I've been trying to figure out a way to express a "13 Full Moons of Self Care" kind of idea. It's percolating but don't expect it any time soon. 13 full moons of just taking care of yourself and your home. Because let's face it folks: You can't serve the Gods/Universe if you're too broken to even be honest with yourself about your life's condition. You can't take care of the God/s requests, if you won't take care of yourself. And you sure as hell can't take care of other people, if you don't have even 50% of your own shit straight.

If I could stab that voice

I would.

Viciously and the point to the that it'd make the Vikings damn proud of how fucking dead it is.

I can only imagine how much worse it'd be if I had gone on the pill and inevitably followed by anti-dep meds. (Fuck those by the way. How do people not fucking read or care of the reactivity between those two?!) 

So my mood for today is especially grey as after being awake until almost 4am when I was awakened around 5:30ish by cramps. *sigh* Night before hand, same amount of being awake. Let's just say I'm exceedingly grateful to DR for letting me sleep in the mornings. Means I start later in the day, but in terms of taking care of myself it's working. Me with little sleep is... very very bad.

But today I found myself dealing with that insidious little voice simpering inside my inner ear about why am I even trying to have kids? 

"You can't carry to full term why are you even fucking trying? You as a mom? Are you trying to kill yourself? You think you that much of a badass? We all know you can't be mom, you're fucking damaged goods."

Yeah... that voice. I've been dealing with it for close to ten years now since I made the decision I wanted to have that be a part of my life, being a mom. You wanna talk struggle? Let's talk about how many damn times I've had to console myself. How many damn times I've found myself wondering which God/dess I'm going to have to blackmail, cajole, bribe into leaving me alone so I can just be a mom.

The fucking struggle to deal with the terror that I'll never get that chance by normal means. That's a biggie to me. Even if I only give birth once, I'm going to be fucking grateful. Though I still want my clan of 4-8 I've kinda given up on getting that many and have been pushing for 3. 

Just.... stab stab stabbity. I mean  seriously?! There are so many little things I have worked on and keep working on to fill in the cracks of the foundations and just trying to finish the fucking foundation out that dealing with distractions like this fucking critic are purely frustration. And we all know frustration can't be expressed fully ever. It's not a simple emotion.  It's one of those emotions that you find yourself saddled with day in and day out sometimes depending on what the cause is.

I'd like to think I'm going to a decent mom. Hell, even with the decision to homeschool I've already been figuring out to use the most of mundane things to teach practical lessons. Like the other day, I pointed that cooking was a great way to teach basic chemistry and basic fractions. Probably one of the best ways to teach fractions. (Not to mention more tasty results.) So many things just to decide not to have kids. How dare you voice. How dare you.

A large part of this goes right into the Anxiety. Into the limited amount of "can do" in a day. When you're damn near constantly splitting time between this world, your mental world, the emotional baggage, the Witch world and creative because the creative is the means of turning the untamed chaos into something useful... the balancing act stops being an act...eventually right?

Changeling's Agony, Chapter III

HIYA!!!! Are you enjoying this series so far? Yes I know it's a bit ambiguous right now as what's going on with Lacy, but I promise that before Changeling's Agony is done, it'll make partial sense.  The next in this series is going to be Changeling's Awakening.  The prologue, after going over my notes for this story I made year's ago, isn't quite right for what this story is going to be telling, so once Agony is done, I will be re-releasing an adjusted version of the prologue so that certain things will become clearer.  For those of you who have been reading my blog regularly, thank you thank you thank you!!!  I do greatly appreciate it and will hopefully soon have something awesome for you. -- Evelyn



This is a work of fiction.  All concepts, characters and events portrayed in this book are used fictitiously and any resemblance to real people or events is purely coincidental. 

Copyright Evelyn Hively, 2014

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means without prior written permission of the publisher, nor be circulated in any form of bind or cover other than that in which it is published without a similar condition being imposed on the subsequent publisher.

January 19th, 2012

    Somewhere in my subconscious is a repressed memory of such that no person such ever have to deal with.  

- Lacy's Journal 

    Keep going.

    Katana's voice echoed through her ears. It was a strange sensation having an ethereal creature be able to affect things the way this dragon did. At the same time, Lacy was glad for it. All Mace could do was distract her and make her laugh. Kat could actually talk back with full syntax and coax, cajole or scold her into continuing to work.  

    It was four a.m. in the morning.  She hadn't been to sleep yet. Sleep was refusing to come to her. There was a pile of hats next to her. She had found a basic hat pattern in one of her crochet pattern books three days ago. From there she had been combining two different colors of yarn into hats. 

    Make another one Lacy. Keep going.

    Lacy glanced at her rather large serpentine friend. Her eyes were nearing bloodshot and she exhausted, but sleep wasn't happening yet. The only light was from the fire. It was all she needed for this particular crochet pattern as she could do it at this point in her sleep. She grabbed the crochet hook and two new strands of yarn. She chained four and paused, looking at Kat.

    "Does this really help?"

    Don't be silly. You know it does. It releases endorphin's into your system countering the depression and you end up accomplishing something. You know this. Keep going. You must keep going Lacy.

    Lacy felt herself start crying. She had always had trouble getting to sleep, but staying asleep had become a problem in recent months. DAMNIT, she thought. She was more emotional than normal too and it wasn't that time of the month either as she had just finished that. So what was it? The answer to this was eluding her.
    Lacy wiped the few tears from her cheeks and took a deep breath. She started doing double crochets into the fourth stitch from the hook and kept going until there were twelve. She paused again, Kat watching her from underneath a much bigger carport on spirit side than in reality. Katana kept her agitation under control. There were wounds deeper than she had been led to believe about her little human charge. She wasn't pleased, as those wounds would seriously hinder things in the future if they weren't dealt with.  

   Kat nudged the young woman with her nose.  

   Come on.  Keep going. Just one more hat, then I'll sing you to sleep.  
    Lacy nodded, smiling slightly. Dragon songs she had found were very soothing when done right. She almost always slept when they were singing. They being Kat and two smaller dragons that were practically babies that had shown in the past week. One told her it's name was Gnobin. He looked like a baby Draco. The other was called Snarp. She enjoyed being on top of the fridge for whatever reason. When all three of them sang, there was no staying awake.

    Kat watched the young woman work, keeping her pace steady. The more work she did, the farther she pulled herself out of the blackness that was afflicting her. The closer she get could herself to being in a grey state of being, the easier it would be to pull the memories up that she needed to deal with. They had to be dealt with.

    Lacy found herself on the third row of the hat. She kept going as these hats only took her around an hour to make. For whatever reason, she was sleeping best between five a.m. and ten a.m.. It was only five hours of sleep, but it was deeper sleep than normal and more restful. 

    Mace stuck her head around the chimney and watched her human in it's rocking chair. She looked at the dragon and trilled at it. Kat chuckled.

    You know the answer to that as well as I do.

    "You guys creep me out when you do that."

    Kat laughed. Lacy wasn't able to speak Cat, but dragons could.

    She's being impatient for you to get to bed. Apparently it's cold and she wants snuggles. Snuggles are worth putting down your yarn.

    Lacy stood up, joints protesting the change of position. She put another two pieces of wood plus two pieces of hard wood she knew would burn slow into the fire stove for a total four new pieces and trilled back at Mace. Mace charged up the stairs to their bedroom and waited for her to crawl into bed, before snuggling tight into her back. Lacy fell asleep with a smile on her face to the very loud purrs of an adoring cat.

    Katana watched from her vantage point.  She had her work cut out for her. She slipped back away from the growing quiet cabin and took to the air. The Appalachian mountains, while older than the Rockies, had more hiding places despite their erosion rates. Her mate was waiting for her in one of the hollows. Uchi, looked at her adoringly as she landed. They touched foreheads for a moment before curling around each other.

    How is she, he asked.

    I'm not sure. I'm worried we didn't find her in time to alleviate the damage done.

    Uchi gently nuzzled his mate. They had been asked to find this girl human for reasons he didn't understand yet.

    Think she'll dream tonight?

    No. I've been asked to not let her until she reaches a point of being able to handle the night terrors one at a time, Kat told him.

    He frowned, which was a abnormal thing for a dragon of his type.

    One at a time?

    Oh yes...it's worse than what we were told.  This assignment is going to hell for me. I can see my old friend in her, but I know she's not actually her. I know she's Lacy.

    Uchi covered his wife with a wing.

    The Supreme would not have asked us to do this if it wasn't her. She'll be fine. We must have faith in her.

    Katana snuggled against him.

    I hope you're right.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

    Gnobin curled up beside the bed of his foster mom. Mace looked over the side at him.

    Yeah, I know you're not happy sharing her buuuuuutttttt......

    The cat just huffed at him. He snorted softly and checked on Lacy. She was the human that was to be his constant foster mother while he grew until she passed on or until he hit a hundred. Spirit side time moved differently than normal human time, so he wasn't sure which would happen first. Lacy was the first human he had ever interacted with. She doted on him like a normal mother, but still let him look around. With conditions of course.

    Mace jumped down and curled around him leaving him with a smile. That meant they were going into the dream worlds. Lacy had repressed her memories of being able to do that so it meant they were her backup. He liked it when he got to run with Mace. Mace, on the Dream plains, was actually a very large Jaguar. A very very large Jaguar. While Lacy never remembered while waking, she rode Mace and it was like watching a four year ride a draft horse that was a Percheron or Clydesdale. The cat was massive.

    He closed his eyes and was looking up at his feline friend in seconds. Mace looked down at him chuckling.

    At your size, I'm not sure why you don't just appear on my back.

    I prefer to do such things with permission if you don't mind, he responded back to the massive dire sized jungle cat. She gently head-butted him.

   Come on. We've a Lacy to find.

   He glanced around as he leaped up and flutter down to between her shoulder blades.  

    Shit... where is she?! We usually jump into the Dream Plains right next to her. 

    Mace looked around and sighed.

    It means she's reliving tonight.  

    Damnit...and she's still repressing. It'll be another month before she's ready to deal with it... Gnobin sighed heavily. His foster mother had so many problems that he in his forty-years of existence could not solve. Then he remember he was only a baby in dragon years. He wasn't going to be a teenager so to speak until he was a hundred and sixty. Mace glanced over her shoulder at him.

    Focus.

    Right, sorry.

    S'all good hun.

*Pop, creak* Ouch

I got to go to a hot springs, I got to go to a hot springs. Na na na na na-nyah! I'm kicking myself though, because I didn't take as many photos as I should have.  Also, further digging into the area... showed that the Pacific Crest Trail, goes right that spot.

Deep Creek Hot Springs.  A gorgeous little gem of an area.  Now mind you this was Sunday-Monday.  The hike out was a bit more intense... okay a lot more intense, because we were going up for a large chunk of it, but the calf muscle and shoulder pain have been totally worth.

Then last night one of our local grocery stores was having a sale on turkey... that basically came out to 50 cents a pound.  

We grabbed a 14 pound one and processed it down into more manageable sized pieces.  Cut the legs, wings, breasts, shoulders and thighs off.  Cut a large amount of dark meat off into smaller pieces and wrapped that up and froze it as well.

We threw the remaining carcass which was the ribcage, spine etc along with the neck bones and the remaining meat from the turkey breast we had gotten for thanksgiving into the pot.  Proceeding to boil that down for about maybe two hours.  By the time we were done, there was 2 quarts of nothing but turkey stock.  The amount of broth and meat leftover for turkey stew is close a quart and a half.  The turkey meat leftover after that  is enough for turkey salad, turkey omelettes and turkey tacos.  And that was just from boiling down the bones and the meat that was left one them.

I still haven't gotten my pack cleaned out and put back together yet... or the sleeping bag run through the dryer... or the laundry finished....but I do have the Toothless order almost finished and am about to finish of the coats and start on the stockings and.... LOL yeah, I know, I need an assistant some weeks.

It's been one of those weird weeks though ya know?  A lot of great things have happened, but we also got hit by Murphy again this past Sunday.  The fiance had to go take care of a speeding ticket.  He hit something that blew out the front tire and while trying to bring the car to a stop, managed to get gravel between the tire and the hubcap, and flat tire alla carte.

Which cost us close to  400 bucks (250 for the tow... yeah seriously) then replace the blown tire and fix the flat tire.  Oh and that speeding ticket does look like it'll get dismissed, but it's going to take two more trips to get it ironed out.

Then I have family and friends that aren't quite feeling themselves and...

Well, let's just say I have a Yule/Christmas challenge for ya'll.  This holiday season, instead of casting/praying for this that or the other thing, pray/cast that the people you know, even if they haven't told you they need, are provided comfort.  The holiday seasons are some of the most brutal times of the year for a lot of folks.  Like me.  Christmas day, seven years to do the day this year, is my second miscarriage.  I was two months along.  Time takes the sting out of it but... well...

So yeah, that is my challenge to everyone who reads this.  Pray/wish/cast that everyone in your life, is given some comfort and closure.

It's the etheral things, that make Yule/Christmas what it is.

Time for a change.

"Uh oh.... what kind of change Evie?"

Relax.  It's... okay yeah actually it is kinda major.

One of the things that a Witch should be doing frequently, is introspection.  Self-improvement is vital but ego is meant to be a tool, not make you into a tool.

One must be aware of their interactions in every light.

Yesterday I found myself staring back at the realization that I have a large amount of work to do... and that I can't do it with my facebook stuff still active.  We ALL know how much a time sink that place can be.

Well it's also the home of keyboard warriors and their liquid courage.  Loose lips sink ships?

Loose fingers cause episodes.

Last two months have been many micro and small episodes after scanning my facebook feed and coming away dealing with memories.  That's a little too much power over someone.  I can't keep sacrificing my productivity just be online and debate with someone.   I better things to do, than sit on the floor staring at my computer screen wondering how the fuck someone could so god damn stupid.  The site is going full on depression trigger some days.

What happens when something has too much power of you?  You remove it. Completely.

Everything on Facebook is going to be shut down a few days before Yule.  Probably will be back up online there next summer.  The Zibbit and Etsy will be on vacation from December 18th to January 15th.  They'll be online and available for your perusal after January 15th again.  However, there may not be a lot of in-stock things.

I am going to be working on a new website, one where I can have the store, this blog and everything I work on in ONE place.

Yeah, there are folks I won't know how are doing because the only way we interact is Facebook.  There's only a few of folks that I'll actually seriously miss that I only interact with on FB.  Like a Controlled Chaos and MurphyMonster's Dad...  But the site has become a source of stress, and less and less enjoyment every day.  I'm looking at Ello and maybe MiWe I think it was called as maybe a new option over Facebook, but I'm not sure on those either.

But I am dangerously close to burning out.  I can feel that crinkling sensation that seems to happen at the edge when you've pushed yourself on one particular topic for too long.

You do what you have to in order to take care of yourself.  Regardless of what others might think is best for you.  They aren't you.  They aren't dealing with the consequences of YOUR actions.  They aren't responsible for your mess, your emotions, your problems.  You can weigh their advice against a situation, and toss it if you know it's wrong.

Sometimes the only piece of advice that's worth listening to is, "Now I'm not you..."

Black Zone

That's what I've taken to calling it.

October 2011 - March 2012.

When I hit my worst bought of depression since I was 16-17 years of age.

I don't remember most of November or December.  January was when things start moving upward and March was when for the first time since I was 11 or 12... I didn't feel like I was covered in oil.

I talk about this because I'm still bummed out.  Not as badly as the Black Zone, but still.  It's fucking with my productivity, my ability to keep the PTSD from getting severe in terms of symptoms.  Minor flashbacks I can deal with.... but not when they go on all day.

With the fiance going on work that I can't come along with, it's harder to fight days off like that.  He's become a very big part of my world and being able to deal with this shit.  So when he's not around and I don't get to see him for a few days.... yeah.  It's bad.  Dark gray.  Not Black, but definitely a darker grey than I like.

A part of what made January the recovery that it was, was because I had picked up the habit of crocheting one small thing a day.  Usually first thing in the day, after morning coffee and lovings from the MindyCat.  Be it a hat or a neck purse.

There were literally days, were that was all I did.  Was make hats.  Beanies to be precise.

I get one done, get up walk around, stoke the fire, re-clean something (I had mice seeing as how I was in the middle of the woods) and then would sit back down, pick two new colors and make another hat.

I made a lot of hats and purses.

I think I need to return that habit of one small thing made a day.  It puts something down as having accomplished something, and that causes a massive release of endorphin's to counteract the grey.  It makes it was easier to get other things done to.

And by the end of the day, I've managed to get at least two or three things done.  When you deal with depression a lot, that's a major accomplishment.

Even if that one thing, multiplies into several of the same thing.... I've gotten something.  I've made a step, from dark grey to towards actual colors again.

The orders are getting done though.  I'm not as bogged down this year as I was last year.

Don't be surprised if a bunch of bags and hats appear in the shop soon.

More Odds and Ends...

I do believe I'm on the upswing from the bummed out episode of the beginning of the month.  Which is a good thing considering the amount of work that I'm tackling in terms of the crochet and knitting orders.  However that means I'll be cutting time online in many ways.

Outside of my music addictions that is...

I've noticed I get a weird kind of lonely.  Like not for a lot of company but one particular person's company.  Yeah him.  Heh, what do you expect?  I love him and we help each other stay happy.

Down side is I have 19 pages to type up (which are handwritten and it translates that three handwritten pages usually equal one typed page... unless you're one of those people with small and neat handwriting which in that case go fuck off.... I hate you....)

Some people are able to force themselves to write and you can't tell the difference between the forced writing and the parts that they wrote in a fit of inspiration that lasted almost all day, and yielded blah-k number of words.  Me... I can't do that.  My muse will give me weird looks when she's feeling writing lazy but wants to crochet.  Or when she wants to write and I want to crochet.

My muse is a multitask-er.  She likes that I can do many different creatives things.  She gets frustrated when I have to remind her I only have two arms. Trust me, I'd love to have two sets.  One doing the yarn work and one typing furiously down all the blasted ideas that roll through my head.

Oh to be Pilot...

I'm actually hoping that once we get the desktop built, I can get one of those write as you speak softwares.  That would make a lot of things easier because I could be on the couch working on the next project and when an idea hits, I can just start talking but keep working.  Being able to do both at once....

Hey a woman can dream can't she?  =D

Also, one more thing.  Yesterday, I grabbed up the The Giver series Omnibus.  The trailers had intrigued me so I grabbed it up.  At least once a month, I have to read a book.  Else the brain fog like I was experiencing earlier this week, just gets worse and it gets harder to get what I need to, done.

It was a pleasant read.  Four books though in six hours time is... well.... I'm a fast reader.  It's just how it is.  However, do not read the books and then see the movie.  You will be pissed.  The trailer has given me enough indications that the movie will be identical in name, character names and maybe a few elements of the story line.  THAT'S IT.

I'm a bit disgusted that the author didn't put her foot down more when they bought the rights for a movie.  There is a good story there, but the fucktards of H-town fucked it up big time.  If you're interested in the Giver series, click that link up there and it'll take you to the Omnibus, which is a better buy than all four separately.

Heads up

Crapp... where'd October go?

It's coming up on that time of the year where my orders for knit and crocheted stuff skyrocket.

You folks know you can buy handmade gifts year round right?  And that it really helps out the person making them?   Anyways...

After the gear article series is done on Blue Collar Prepping, I won't be doing weekly articles until January 15th, 2015.  There a few reasons this, one that I just spoke of in the upper paragraphs.

1) I have several orders for Christmas already, and the last day that I'm accepting custom work in order to get it out by December 16th is November 15th.  After that the custom options are getting shut off until January 15th.

2) I'm about on dry in terms writing material that I can crack out.  A large number of the articles I had done for BCP was due to the fact that I didn't feel like a large number of these prepping blogs where actually addressing things that were important... they were all doom and gloom. (Hey, one of the things you're going to have to keep an eye is depression and you stupid fucks writing all doom and gloom aren't helping, ya jackasses.)

Yes I've had some coffee this morning but not a full cup yet.  How can you tell?

So when I am back full in January, I will have more articles on skills that are a good idea to be known and understood if you want to be comfortable during hard times.  First series once back I'm planning on doing a break down of gardening and bits and pieces of information you may not know.

3) We are trying to get moved from California to Arizona.  This is proving to be a major stress factor for me because we have soooooooo many things that we need to straighten out first before we can move.

Hence why I'm focusing on the crochet orders as much as possible so that they are as good as I can make them, and keep setting up that reputation as a good crafter for myself.  This is because the Zibbet and Etsy store are my main sources of income, outside of the tiny bit that comes in from Amazon links.

This blog here will be maintained, but it'll mostly be just showing orders that I've managed to get done and probably cute video of puppies, kittens and other various animals doing adorable shit.  But it's going to be a tiny bit erratic.

Now it's entirely possible that I will get all my orders done by the 16th of December.  What am I going to do between then and my return date of January 16th?

Simple.

Chill.

I have books to read, to work on and a large amount of research to do for the next year's articles.  If I do this right, I'll end up with several months worth of material again.

And probably several more adventures along the way.

In the meantime...

BABY BURRO!

Seen near Lake Havasu.

Oh blech

So for whatever reason today, I keep having minor flashbacks and it's proving hard to want to be online.

So here have something cute:

And one more for good measure:

The Problem....

is people expect other people to have identical experiences.

US Marine Corps expect people to think like them.

US Air Force expect people to think like them.

US Army expect people to think like them.

US Navy expect people to think like them.

US Coast Guard expect people to think like them.

US Civilians expect people to think like them.

...all the while forgetting that every last individuals experience is different, translated differently by that individual's experience.

Civilians can't understand military and military can't understand civilian because most of the time they BOTH are too stupid to remember that the life experiences are different.

That the goals are different.  That the past experiences temper how one sees the present.

Experience or lack there of, dictates how one is able to relate or understand.

And when one is used to someone normally getting it, it's a huge betrayal when even the one is using language that using the other can understand, they don't!

They don't get it.

You can't talk it out in the normal left-wing or right-wing methods.

Somebody has to shut the fuck up.

Someone has to humble themselves to the point of listening.

And when they don't, they can't get pissy and claim you're trying to be all "victimy".  ( Totally a word!)

You can hear someone all day long.

Whether or not you've listened shows through in how you treat that person.

*Stitch, stitch, stitch....*

"Just keep stitching, just keep stitching."

There are many days and times were this is the only mantra that I have going through my head.  It certainly was last week.  Concept called mindful knitting or crocheting.

I had stumbled onto this on my own a few years back but a friend recently pointed it out to me online, and a rabbit hole later I'd found a lot of information on it.

Why mindfulness is great?

Pretty simple actually.

You're are preventing events of that day/moment from draining you of energy you need for other things.  You're removing the power an event or memory has over you, by focusing on the yarn and project in your hand.

We are all aware of the significance of last week (9/11).  Being the passionate woman that I am (Yes, I heard that chortle) I decided for my sanity (what little of it that's left) would be better spent knitting or crocheting last week. As I had two personal anniversaries that make me cringe still that week, one of them being my first wreck ever at 26 (yes, I was pretty lucky to go that long, but there were a lot of things I could have done to avoid that wreck. No one was killed or badly injured, but it still bothers me a LOT).

And as we all know, 9/11 brings out the idiots of various conspiracy theories and just plain bullshit of people who can't seem to grasp the manner.  I hate that entire bullshit.  I repeat, HATE that bullshit.  It's one of the disrespectful displays of arrogance, bubble syndrome and plain naivete.  It spits on the graves of those who were lost when people quibble over what happened.

I still have the image seared into my head of them showing what used to be a dozen floors squashed into a space less than, if I recall correctly, four feet thick.  I'm still stunned by the news from friends who lost folks, that they are still identifying remains even today.

Those two reasons are part of why I won't engage in the endless roundabouts of what happened.  It's rude to the dead and disrespectful to the people who survived the events and the folks that the victims left behind.  Then you have the repercussions of those events, that increased all who were affected.  Which is a whole other kit and kaboodle of worms that need thrown on fishing hooks and drowned while sitting on the banks of a lake or river, while sipping cold beer and enjoying those who are with you.

So I put my headphones in or talked to my fiance or we went and watched the sunsets.  I just kept stitching.  Mindfulness extends to not just knitting or crocheting.  You can apply it to washing dishes, walking dogs, reading books, sharpening tools, cleaning guns, sitting with a cup of coffee and just watching the sunrise or sunrise or a thunderstorm move, etc.  It's healthy.  It counter acts depression.

It lets you have a few moments of just you. Of sweet, lucid, calming sliver of time that is just you and the world.  It lets you step back and reevaluate what's going on.  Re-establishes your boundaries, your balance, your center.  It takes the edge of this rape victim's PTSD flashbacks. It shortens them. Makes me lucid faster.  Yeah, the project ends up a bit wet from crying (yeah, I just admitted that), but I'm out of it faster.  It lets me work off the anger over careless from people who should know better and it let me work off the hatred over ignorant dipshits who don't know what the fuck it is they are talking about.

I've received a lot of criticism in the past year or so, over an increasing reluctance to commit to "pet causes."  There's been a rash of "warm fuzzy" causes, that you do for less than a minute and you get to brag you did for a couple of days and then what?  That was shallow, fleeting and you're back at square one with...well, I can't classify what for you as I'm not you.  And yes, this me criticizing several things all lumped together.

When you decide to champion a cause, you need to do it every day, even if it's just for a few minutes of sharing relevant information or laying out plans for the next event, etc.  You need to actually champion it.  You need to wear it like a tattoo.

So in response to a rather snide cunt, who may or may not be female, I'll listing out my causes again for all to see.  I don't really care if they are you "flavor" nor do I give a flying fuck if they align with your politics.  These are my babies, that I want to help as much as I am able to help. Many times, all I can do is help spread the word they exist but at least I'm trying to stay consistent.

The Battle Buddy Foundation  

Hats for Our Veterans

Right now, that's because I can't find the others or even remember which folders I have them bookmarked into.  Hats is run by a sweet lady, and donates several dozen (I think this year they managed a couple hundred hats) to organizations that work with homeless vets.  It's not much, but a warm hat, scarf and gloves is better than nothing, which is what I otherwise have.

For TBBF, it's sharing as frequently as I can and spreading the word.

So there.  That's my ramblings for today.  Now if you'll excuse me....*stitch stitch stitch stitch stitch...*