Onto the Next Project!

 After the nuke that was my last post, I figured it was nigh time to talk about something a bit more positive: Like my future. So let's talk about my goals and how I'm using them to propel myself towards to cleaning up a mess or two that I made for myself because I was a raging idiot. Some lessons about responsibility can only be learned the hard way. So there are two goals I have for this year that I'm going to be sharing. I have other smaller goals but they don't require me to advertise and try to convince you to buy my product. ;) So let's see how well I can convince you today!

Goal number one is some new technology devices, which is the more achievable to be honest and probably the one that will enable me to begin a long term project I have in mind and make the second goal easier to achieve as well.

Goal 1 A: is a brand new mouse. Hell that can be covered if someone decides to buy even just one of my dice bags.

Goal 1 B: Is a new camera.

That would be the lovely Canon Rebel. Right now I use my old phone which is basically just a Wifi device, but it is dying. It's a almost four year old phone. It's lived through two moves and two dogs and a cat. Its still working on surviving the cat....

With summer approaching and soon to descend upon The Valley of the Sun my work emphasis does tend to slide towards working on smaller projects like Cloches and dice bags.  That being said I had to find something the other day and in one of my storage bags I found about a half dozen hats that I had forgotten I had made. Yeah, bad Evelyn. Those will go up as soon as I've had a change to throw them through a dryer. (DAMNIT CHOCTAW!) 

Also coming to the shop hopefully in the next week sunlight cooperating, there'll be a poncho and matching hat, more infinity scarves with hats, and slightly better fleshed out listings in a couple of spots.

Progress on a Gold and Crimson Corded Cardigan is coming along nicely along with a Mint and Lemon baby set. There is a Lime Lively "Chunky" knit scarf that will appear in the store in the next couple of weeks as well. After that there will mostly be nothing new for a few weeks as I'll be working on a couple of commissions and trades for work. There will a dig through prior projects put on the back burner and forgotten about and a huge push to finish as many of those as I can before going on the Second Retreat.

Am I bringing yarn along on the retreat?  ....you do realize this is me we're talking here right?!

So the second goal after getting the camera is a long term goal. This is the thing I was talking about in the first paragraph about having an idiot. This is one of those mistakes where it doesn't take long to accomplish it but damned if it doesn't take you awhile to clean up the mess.

I don't plan on dumping a huge payment onto it. No, that would be stupid as there are other bills that need paid too. Like the car. 

I'm going to be putting all sales after I get the camera (so that I can get better pictures of my listings) towards paying off my credit card. (Relax, they only trust me a 3300 limit. Which is a good thing for the time period that covered. Now I'm in clean up mode.) Once I get into a steady payment rhythm on it, I know I can have it paid off in a couple of years (barring any emergency car repairs. Eep even.) and also focusing on paying off the car. Those are the two things that will be building my credit and his up the best. We have until April 2019 here at the current place we're renting, but damned if we aren't hoping to be not renting by then. Takes work though.

So that the deal. Why am I telling you guys this? Well so that you know what I'm doing with the money from Etsy purchases. People seem to like knowing it how it helps. Also helps me solidify what I'm doing with the shop. It's not just for shits and giggles. Having set goals helps a LOT.

So in summary, the Etsy are going towards:
1) A New Mouse
2) A Rebel Camera
3) Paying down the credit card
4) Paying off the Rav 4.

Brain... Seriously?

Click on the picture to be taken to this
Etsy listing!

So between two colds back to back that lasted a month and the monthly uterine rebellion, my brain has been fuzzy, over clocked and refusing to cooperate when I want to go to sleep.

So what does my brain do last night as I'm laying there in the hour after me and DR had gone to bed do?

"Hey I wonder if people look up stuff via DnD alignment types? Wouldn't it be fun to make a Chaotic Neutral series? Or even a Lawful Ebil? ...how the hell would make a Lawful ebil even work? What color schemes would I need to use?"

GAH!

I'd already been planning a series based on the core classes. The thing with ideas like this is that while it's cool and fantastical... those who would actually be enthusiastic about buying such in limited numbers and limited budgets.

Biggest drawback to being a hand crafter: Making the cool pretty shit versus the more practical every day shit that appeals to a more broad demographic. Occasionally making one of the fantasy things here and there to show that I posses the skill level to do such is okay but not at the expense of the things that sell.

The little things add up quickly. Hell one of these days I dream of waking up and finding I'm out of Dice Bags would be great! Then again I enjoy making those, so running out probably isn't going to happen anytime soon. ^_^

I found out not too long ago, finding baby and toddler boy themed blankets is a bit harder than I had originally thought. So I'm definitely going to be trying to keep a few of those in the shop from now on. 

Other than that, it's just a finish other projects day. Hopefully I'm feeling well enough at week's end to list some more things on the shop but staging, taking pictures, editing them and creating the listings can be very menial and mentally tiring. Definitely best for days when I've been staying on top of eating and other self care that's crucial for certain stuff to behave.

Odd Feeling

I've realized that the transition into domestic life has actually been pleasant in some ways. It's not been without it's trials or annoyances, but considering all things it's been painless. There's this odd misconception about "being domestic" that while I suppose for some people is offensive, I don't find it so.

It suits the path I need to take. As observed to friends elsewhere and said before here probably: The more complex and the more you have to deal with with mental health issues, the more simple you must make your life.

Because as damn near everyone who deals with anxiety, depression, PTSD and the whole host of the rest can vouch that dealing with your emotions as they are trying to deal with the overflow from the damn mental stuff can be exhausting. 

I think that's part of what may not get talked about by folks nearly enough is the emotional responses are the overflow of those illnesses. The emotions are the coping mechanisms, sometimes the stop gaps and sometimes the only warning signs that you may not have been taking care of yourself in the past few days as well as what you should have.

During the wintertime, spring and summer it's a lot easier for me than the fall. For whatever reason fall the past few years has been very hard mental health wise. Getting through those three to four months is a BITCH! And to be blunt, the rest of the year sometimes can feel like I'm playing catch up with the rest of my life or preparation for the next fall. This year wasn't as hard but then again with the FionaCat being introduced into the household...that was a lot of stress.  I just hope I have more time and do better getting ready for when I have a kid on the way. @_@

New normals in a life are always stressful. This kinda goes back to being domestic. It takes time to figure out the right rhythms when you're a SAHW. (Stay at home woman.) Mostly because right now I just have to deal with myself and DR. The dogs and cats took time to for their personalities to appear and show their quirks and for them to adapt to our home. Once they did, the stress of having a new animals was gone.

I'm still sick technically, though the morning misery sessions are getting shorter with each passing day. Yesterday I killed half a grapefruit and two oranges. I've been craving citrus like crazy with this cold. 

I found myself exceedingly grateful today when it comes to DR. I don't have to basically trap him into being affectionate or spending intimate time with me. Though with being sick, it was only just today that I actually felt up for anything outside of hugs. I can't stand body contact when I'm sick. Probably because my skin does this weird over-sensitivity thing when I'm not feeling well physically. It's at it's worst when it's that time of the month. There have been times when even just wearing clothing was extremely painful. *shudder*

Thankfully that only happens maybe twice a year, but still that's in that PMS roulette category that I absolutely hate. 

Garden report: I HAVE THREE TOMATOES NOW!! EEEE!!! Still no peppers on the green pepper plant but the jalapeno is growing back nicely. unfortunately they're calling for Winter to make an appearance next week and I'll have to try to remember to cover my plants at night so as not to lose any again.

Yarn: The projects I have going on for works in progress that are main focus as stands are the Log Cabin Baby Blanket, a poncho and a cardigan. I've been more in a knitting mood lately, so the baby blanket is more done than the rest. Sometimes you just have let your muse guide you. She wants knitting right now so we knit.

That's another thing that bugs me. Most of the year, I can hear my muse. During the Dark Time of the year (fall) I can't hear her at all. It helps having projects I've already started that I can work on and finish because otherwise...well I'd probably play video games. During times like those weeks and months, the games let me zen out. And while they aren't as productive they still help.

Heh, trying to get DR to understand that I'm not wasting my time has been a little bit of challenge. Besides, I'm glad he's not a gamer. I couldn't abide having someone who would probably put my shadowrun runs and Halo runs to shame. (He'd probably enjoy those games if he did play.)

MOVING SOON!!

Well now that is not unexpected news I know... but I mean the blog is moving, not me yet.

The Wandering Witch has a new home that I'll be working on building over the next month and will start posting over there to that regularly starting February 1st.  (Okay yeah so it might actually be sooner once I get it polished to the point of working.)

The Wandering Witch at WordPress

Those of you who visit frequently, feedback on page design, layouts and help figuring out WordPress would be appreciated.

Changeling's Agony, Chapter III

HIYA!!!! Are you enjoying this series so far? Yes I know it's a bit ambiguous right now as what's going on with Lacy, but I promise that before Changeling's Agony is done, it'll make partial sense.  The next in this series is going to be Changeling's Awakening.  The prologue, after going over my notes for this story I made year's ago, isn't quite right for what this story is going to be telling, so once Agony is done, I will be re-releasing an adjusted version of the prologue so that certain things will become clearer.  For those of you who have been reading my blog regularly, thank you thank you thank you!!!  I do greatly appreciate it and will hopefully soon have something awesome for you. -- Evelyn



This is a work of fiction.  All concepts, characters and events portrayed in this book are used fictitiously and any resemblance to real people or events is purely coincidental. 

Copyright Evelyn Hively, 2014

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means without prior written permission of the publisher, nor be circulated in any form of bind or cover other than that in which it is published without a similar condition being imposed on the subsequent publisher.

January 19th, 2012

    Somewhere in my subconscious is a repressed memory of such that no person such ever have to deal with.  

- Lacy's Journal 

    Keep going.

    Katana's voice echoed through her ears. It was a strange sensation having an ethereal creature be able to affect things the way this dragon did. At the same time, Lacy was glad for it. All Mace could do was distract her and make her laugh. Kat could actually talk back with full syntax and coax, cajole or scold her into continuing to work.  

    It was four a.m. in the morning.  She hadn't been to sleep yet. Sleep was refusing to come to her. There was a pile of hats next to her. She had found a basic hat pattern in one of her crochet pattern books three days ago. From there she had been combining two different colors of yarn into hats. 

    Make another one Lacy. Keep going.

    Lacy glanced at her rather large serpentine friend. Her eyes were nearing bloodshot and she exhausted, but sleep wasn't happening yet. The only light was from the fire. It was all she needed for this particular crochet pattern as she could do it at this point in her sleep. She grabbed the crochet hook and two new strands of yarn. She chained four and paused, looking at Kat.

    "Does this really help?"

    Don't be silly. You know it does. It releases endorphin's into your system countering the depression and you end up accomplishing something. You know this. Keep going. You must keep going Lacy.

    Lacy felt herself start crying. She had always had trouble getting to sleep, but staying asleep had become a problem in recent months. DAMNIT, she thought. She was more emotional than normal too and it wasn't that time of the month either as she had just finished that. So what was it? The answer to this was eluding her.
    Lacy wiped the few tears from her cheeks and took a deep breath. She started doing double crochets into the fourth stitch from the hook and kept going until there were twelve. She paused again, Kat watching her from underneath a much bigger carport on spirit side than in reality. Katana kept her agitation under control. There were wounds deeper than she had been led to believe about her little human charge. She wasn't pleased, as those wounds would seriously hinder things in the future if they weren't dealt with.  

   Kat nudged the young woman with her nose.  

   Come on.  Keep going. Just one more hat, then I'll sing you to sleep.  
    Lacy nodded, smiling slightly. Dragon songs she had found were very soothing when done right. She almost always slept when they were singing. They being Kat and two smaller dragons that were practically babies that had shown in the past week. One told her it's name was Gnobin. He looked like a baby Draco. The other was called Snarp. She enjoyed being on top of the fridge for whatever reason. When all three of them sang, there was no staying awake.

    Kat watched the young woman work, keeping her pace steady. The more work she did, the farther she pulled herself out of the blackness that was afflicting her. The closer she get could herself to being in a grey state of being, the easier it would be to pull the memories up that she needed to deal with. They had to be dealt with.

    Lacy found herself on the third row of the hat. She kept going as these hats only took her around an hour to make. For whatever reason, she was sleeping best between five a.m. and ten a.m.. It was only five hours of sleep, but it was deeper sleep than normal and more restful. 

    Mace stuck her head around the chimney and watched her human in it's rocking chair. She looked at the dragon and trilled at it. Kat chuckled.

    You know the answer to that as well as I do.

    "You guys creep me out when you do that."

    Kat laughed. Lacy wasn't able to speak Cat, but dragons could.

    She's being impatient for you to get to bed. Apparently it's cold and she wants snuggles. Snuggles are worth putting down your yarn.

    Lacy stood up, joints protesting the change of position. She put another two pieces of wood plus two pieces of hard wood she knew would burn slow into the fire stove for a total four new pieces and trilled back at Mace. Mace charged up the stairs to their bedroom and waited for her to crawl into bed, before snuggling tight into her back. Lacy fell asleep with a smile on her face to the very loud purrs of an adoring cat.

    Katana watched from her vantage point.  She had her work cut out for her. She slipped back away from the growing quiet cabin and took to the air. The Appalachian mountains, while older than the Rockies, had more hiding places despite their erosion rates. Her mate was waiting for her in one of the hollows. Uchi, looked at her adoringly as she landed. They touched foreheads for a moment before curling around each other.

    How is she, he asked.

    I'm not sure. I'm worried we didn't find her in time to alleviate the damage done.

    Uchi gently nuzzled his mate. They had been asked to find this girl human for reasons he didn't understand yet.

    Think she'll dream tonight?

    No. I've been asked to not let her until she reaches a point of being able to handle the night terrors one at a time, Kat told him.

    He frowned, which was a abnormal thing for a dragon of his type.

    One at a time?

    Oh yes...it's worse than what we were told.  This assignment is going to hell for me. I can see my old friend in her, but I know she's not actually her. I know she's Lacy.

    Uchi covered his wife with a wing.

    The Supreme would not have asked us to do this if it wasn't her. She'll be fine. We must have faith in her.

    Katana snuggled against him.

    I hope you're right.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

    Gnobin curled up beside the bed of his foster mom. Mace looked over the side at him.

    Yeah, I know you're not happy sharing her buuuuuutttttt......

    The cat just huffed at him. He snorted softly and checked on Lacy. She was the human that was to be his constant foster mother while he grew until she passed on or until he hit a hundred. Spirit side time moved differently than normal human time, so he wasn't sure which would happen first. Lacy was the first human he had ever interacted with. She doted on him like a normal mother, but still let him look around. With conditions of course.

    Mace jumped down and curled around him leaving him with a smile. That meant they were going into the dream worlds. Lacy had repressed her memories of being able to do that so it meant they were her backup. He liked it when he got to run with Mace. Mace, on the Dream plains, was actually a very large Jaguar. A very very large Jaguar. While Lacy never remembered while waking, she rode Mace and it was like watching a four year ride a draft horse that was a Percheron or Clydesdale. The cat was massive.

    He closed his eyes and was looking up at his feline friend in seconds. Mace looked down at him chuckling.

    At your size, I'm not sure why you don't just appear on my back.

    I prefer to do such things with permission if you don't mind, he responded back to the massive dire sized jungle cat. She gently head-butted him.

   Come on. We've a Lacy to find.

   He glanced around as he leaped up and flutter down to between her shoulder blades.  

    Shit... where is she?! We usually jump into the Dream Plains right next to her. 

    Mace looked around and sighed.

    It means she's reliving tonight.  

    Damnit...and she's still repressing. It'll be another month before she's ready to deal with it... Gnobin sighed heavily. His foster mother had so many problems that he in his forty-years of existence could not solve. Then he remember he was only a baby in dragon years. He wasn't going to be a teenager so to speak until he was a hundred and sixty. Mace glanced over her shoulder at him.

    Focus.

    Right, sorry.

    S'all good hun.

I am a....

My mind makes strange logic jumps.  I think everyone who has a healthy mental state does.  We jump all over the place and find ourselves at what seems completely logically ends to a series of thoughts that only we the individual were privy too.  As to what it was that I was reading somewhere that triggered this.... I've no clue.

For a very long time I called myself a Wolf.

Why?

Because I knew myself to have a pack.  An inner group of friends and family that I would protect with claw, tooth and life.  An outer pack of friends and family, that I would protect tooth and claw.  An extended pack, given the circumstances, that would get the same treatment as the inner pack.

I knew I had a code.  You don't fuck with me, I don't fuck with you.  You don't prevent me from taking care of my pack, ditto.  There's a hierarchy of people I'll listen too.  I'll admit that I'm not able to fit into an Alpha/Beta paradigm.  I will be a second in command but if the "in command" person has his head up his ass, I will step and start giving orders until shit smooths out and start working again.  Then, back to just being that woman in the shadows.  Or maybe that's what a good Beta is.

Well, the pack, code and hierarchy are still there. I am part Wolf.

But that wasn't all.... so I looked deeper at another animal that is reflected by humans.  Coyotes.  The coyote is an odd creature.  In some North American cultures, he is the Creator. In other's he is the trickster.  In all, he forces one to look at themselves and evaluate their actions honestly.  Ever notice how coyotes take over empty Wolf territory?

Coyote...  they are a paradox creature.  I've been called an enigma many times.  Paradox even.  I have humor where I should have pain.  I use the humor to take the edge off the pain.  He is playful.  I've been told I'm too childish or too playful at times.  He is very adaptable.  There is no environment that he can't become used to and become a part of.  I've been finding... that is true for me.

 Coyotes are resourceful and very adaptable.  They are very very crafty.  I don't think I've encountered any kind of object or tool yet that could aid in my comfort for all practical purposes in a survival, prepping or what not situation that I couldn't engineer or figure out, based off of what skills I already know.

I've had to learn to be those.  So I'm part Coyote and part Wolf.

But those don't fit fully right either.

There is the Bald Eagle.  The symbol of our nation.  What is he?  He is courage and an encouragement to go beyond our comfort zones.  A creature of vision.  The Bald Eagle and his brothers of many types, have been upheld by cultures from around the world.  Why?

They fly the highest.  Their vision is the sharpest. They are endurance and resilience.

Things I've been learning to do over the past several years.  So I am part Eagle, Coyote and Wolf.

There's more though.

About March 2012 I was shown that I had Hummingbird medicine in my life.  Or rather, it was back in my life.  Hummingbird... she is unconditional love.  Now, I learned I was capable of this for my fiance, whom we'll call DZ from here on out.  DZ when he appeared in my life came when I needed love that was returned, because I was willing to give love in a manner most weren't used to getting unless they felt they had earned it.

I'm capable of some amazing things despite my size.  Just like her.  Since DZ and I have become involved, I've been more able to be playful again.  I can temper the cynical with playfulness.  Hummingbird is learning to find joy in life where most may not be able to see.  I'm learning that and have learned that.  She's also resilient.

Okay, so part Hummingbird then.  There's more.

Bison.... the American Buffalo.... known among folks as the spirit of abundance, protection, strength, survival, formulating beneficial plans... all things I can lay claim too in past two years.  A long two years.   A two years that have brought an abundance of challenges, love and healing.  Years of protection from the universe and Gods in the right ways that have kept me here on this world.  Years of finding small scraps of strength when I needed them.  Years of surviving the worst demons my inner self could throw at me and that others could throw.  Beginning to be a more vocal prepper but also working tempering my skills.  Finding a balance between being ready and still having fun.

I am Buffalo, Hummingbird, Eagle, Coyote, Wolf.

They make bring to forefront something that I think we've been lacking in our language.  A new word to apply to folks who don't feel that sheep dog or wolf is apt enough, to express the American spirit.  A word to express that which is the American resilience that blazed the trails to California.  A word that is the tenacity of the fighter that is an American soul.  A word that encompasses what we are as Americans, on all fronts.

Something to describe the millions of strong willed, freedom seeking, stubborn headed, loving, able to dream... people who came to North America, our ancestors.  Something to describe the blending of lives, culture and time.

I'm something much more terrifying that a Wolf and its pack.  A Coyote and his craftiness.  A Hummingbird, an Eagle and a Buffalo.

I'm a Chimera.  I am a combination of bloodlines, ideas and thoughts that make for a creature that is stronger than it's parts.

Americans are Chimera's.

 I am Chimera.

Vacation until Saturday.

Happy Thanksgiving Folks.

Stay safe, spend it with folks you can at least tolerate and I'll be back on Saturday.

When You're the Wife of a PI

And so begins my next project, right here for you all to see.  Names have been changed to protect privacy and in several instances parts of the story have been fictionalized in order to make them a bit more interesting.  Other parts... needed no such tweaking.  These are just going to be a series of short stories as time allows for me to type up what bits and pieces of interesting or non-interesting fare that occur and a permanent ongoing series here.  So grab some coffee.


When you're the wife of a private investigator....

It ain't what they show on TV or in the movies.  It's never what they show on the TV or movies.  It's boring.  Thank Gods.

I realize that most likely doesn't make sense.  Unless you've been friends with someone in the business or are a PI, then you know what I'm talking about.  Everything a PI does, while it has the chance of becoming H-town exciting though there's a 2% chance of it, is boring.  Sitting in a car on surveillance is boring.  Following people doesn't happen on every single surveillance and those traffic lights are never working in your favor.  Benjamin, my husband, has been doing PI work for a little over seven years now.    I'm Garnet by the way.  (Let's just not go there right now okay?)

Benjamin works in the hub that is armpit of California: Los Angeles.  Before you start pointing out all the celebrities and all of that jazz, most of them don't live in LA.  They live in smaller, quieter areas on the borders.  Most of them don't hire PI's because usually they don't need them.  You know where most of the work comes from as a PI?  Well, the movies and shows got that part right.  Jealous husbands or wives who want proof their significant other is cheating on them. Even those cases are boring.

Benjamin and I met over three years ago.  We've been married two.  When I finally joined him here in LA, I did go with him on a few cases. I only do that now when I've spent too much time in the apartment.  Benji works for three different groups of companies that have PI's on their staff full time.  Only one of those companies provides weekly work.  That's another thing the movies have partially right.  Work comes and goes.  And when it goes you better have money put back and side jobs.

There is no such thing as a set schedule.  Take this morning for instance.  We were cuddling and by cuddling I mean I'm wrapped up around him snoozing on his shoulder while he's goofing off on a social media site and kissing me on the forehead from time to time.  Then the phone rings, and it's his full time boss letting him they tweaked the schedule.  So he has to get up and do a quickie preliminary investigation series of paperwork to find out where he's going.   At which point I hear him cuss (which is dammits and fucking hells in case you're wondering).  Not only is where he going not in LA this morning, but he has to leave as soon as he gets breakfast inhaled.

What folks don't tell you about L.A. is that it's big.  REALLY big, and that while they might call parts of it Glendale, Orange County, or Simi Valley.... it's all Los Angeles.  There's no difference between any of them.  It's also really long and really wide when you drive a lot like he does.  On a good day, when there's minimal traffic, you can get from the ocean to the eastern side into the desert in two and a half hours.  No, you read that right.  Two. And a half. Hours.  That's in minimal traffic on the most direct route, like on a Monday morning at three a.m. .  If you when everyone else does,  bring an audio book because everyone else has the same idea and you're looking at a four hour drive. If there are no accidents.

Then when he gets there it'll be more boring.  He'll be sitting outside an office waiting for someone to finish a meeting and then follow them home.  Where he'll do more sitting.

Did I mention all the driving?  This is one of the only things about his job that actually frightens me. The other is how they send a white guy to some areas of LA that I don't think even the cops go into without full riot gear at hand, if not on.   People in LA, think traffic lights are more like guidelines than hard rules.   It's a wonder this place is still standing.

Even then it gets boring.  You see one fender bender, the drivers flip each other off, trade local colloquialisms and then drive off, you've seen them all.  They're the same in every town or city, although on a good day, you may only see one such incident at every third light.

Even audio books get boring on this job.  Encounters with the cops, boring too.  Even the encounters with bored cops stay boring when they are talking to you.

There's no office at the end of a long hallway with frosted glass and Courier font on the window stating it's Detective So and So's office.  No dames walking in high heels and garter belts, with hats drawn down so low you can only see cherry lips and slender jawlines. (Thank the Gods for small blessings.) No high speed chases... well, not the kind you see in the movies, but that's a story for another time.  The Dick Tracy story lines of noir and Humphrey Bogart lineage... those are either things of the past or happen so rarely that they are the stuff of legends.

I still go with from time to time.  I tend bring my crocheting or knitting with me.  For whatever reason, this tends to help us be ignored.  While this lets me get orders done, it makes for a boring day. I've been on just enough surveillance that got a little too interesting for my tastes, so I like those boring days.  They mean my husband comes home and wasn't shot for being in the wrong place at the wrong time.  He's a former Marine though.  That means exactly what you think it means.  He likes the days that get exciting.  Though here anymore, following the subject to the grocery store is as exciting as it usually gets.

You want an exciting investigation career, kiddies?  Don't go private sector.

Black Zone

That's what I've taken to calling it.

October 2011 - March 2012.

When I hit my worst bought of depression since I was 16-17 years of age.

I don't remember most of November or December.  January was when things start moving upward and March was when for the first time since I was 11 or 12... I didn't feel like I was covered in oil.

I talk about this because I'm still bummed out.  Not as badly as the Black Zone, but still.  It's fucking with my productivity, my ability to keep the PTSD from getting severe in terms of symptoms.  Minor flashbacks I can deal with.... but not when they go on all day.

With the fiance going on work that I can't come along with, it's harder to fight days off like that.  He's become a very big part of my world and being able to deal with this shit.  So when he's not around and I don't get to see him for a few days.... yeah.  It's bad.  Dark gray.  Not Black, but definitely a darker grey than I like.

A part of what made January the recovery that it was, was because I had picked up the habit of crocheting one small thing a day.  Usually first thing in the day, after morning coffee and lovings from the MindyCat.  Be it a hat or a neck purse.

There were literally days, were that was all I did.  Was make hats.  Beanies to be precise.

I get one done, get up walk around, stoke the fire, re-clean something (I had mice seeing as how I was in the middle of the woods) and then would sit back down, pick two new colors and make another hat.

I made a lot of hats and purses.

I think I need to return that habit of one small thing made a day.  It puts something down as having accomplished something, and that causes a massive release of endorphin's to counteract the grey.  It makes it was easier to get other things done to.

And by the end of the day, I've managed to get at least two or three things done.  When you deal with depression a lot, that's a major accomplishment.

Even if that one thing, multiplies into several of the same thing.... I've gotten something.  I've made a step, from dark grey to towards actual colors again.

The orders are getting done though.  I'm not as bogged down this year as I was last year.

Don't be surprised if a bunch of bags and hats appear in the shop soon.

Pass the Coffee dudes.....

7:30 am this morning....awake.

I managed to get a 15 minute nap. After that it was very clear, there wasn't any going back to sleep.  Oh well.

The to-do list for today includes working on streamlining and cleaning up the facebook page for Jade Rose Zen, which also got a slight name change.  Jade Rose Zen ThreadWorks.

Someone finally went, hey the name doesn't really say much besides being catchy.  *head desk*

Never fails, either people won't give any advice or give too much.  Thankfully my friend Erin knows where to draw the line when it comes to advice.  Lovely gal that she is.

Though last night she asked me, what the heck it was that going on with JRZT.  Etsy brings in half of my orders but zero traffic.  Zibbet brings almost all of my traffic, but no orders.  Half of my orders come from Facebook, but maybe ten percent of traffic.

*head desk; head desk; head desk*

I do plan on building a website that is my store and independent of the crapp shoots that all these sellers.  Whether or not it work out..... well, that's another ball game and one that I'm not going to address until after the move.

And of course, Jade Rose Zen Threadworks even without the spaces is too long for Etsy, but the title can have it....

*rubs temples*

How one manages to stay sane while attempting to maneuver all this shit is beyond me.   So what's on tap for new stuff coming to the Facebook page?  Hopefully by the end of today, I'll have things organized better.  I am not an ads person.  Hell, I can barely write descriptions for the stuff I make that is outside of what the measurements are.  That's all folks need right?  Along with a good two or three pics....

Seriously how the hell do some of these folks come up with this prattle that is in their items listings?

Adding four new albums to the Facebook page, including a available for custom order catalog, knitting, crocheting and a paracord catalog.

Also, I call bullshit on anyone who says the economy is getting better.  PTUI!

Go fuck a duck.  Seriously.  Last year, I was getting several big orders.  This year, I had one big one and everything is small things.  Even small things are great though, but folks just aren't spending their money.  They're holding onto it tightly because they don't know when things are going to suddenly break on their cars that they've duct taping and wishing along as pieces start rattling that really shouldn't rattle.

Hell, I know folks who are trading quarts of food they canned two years ago to shade tree mechanics to get their brakes fixed, oil changed, etc.  People are trading goods for services.   Which is a time-honored tradition by the way.  One that I fully practice whenever able.  To be honest, things are not going to be better economy wise.  There's too many bubbles, there's too many head in the sand and there's coming up probably a few years where you're going to want armed guards on the fields protecting crops.

Won't last for several years though, probably 3-6 at the most.  Americans are bred from incredibly hardy stock, from all over the world.  There's a very unique spirit there that after a time will shake itself clean and look around and go, "Oh hell.  This needs fixed, and this needs fixed...."  So they start fixing stuff in their own lives, which produces this gorgeous ripple effect.  It starts inspiring other folks to get off their asses and get work done.

Oops, there I go another tangent again... what was I talking about... oh yeah, the shop.   I'll be taking a decent number of pictures today of the paracord stuff.  There so much of it, they can literally be broken down by color.  Heck, I'll throw up a second post late today with everything in it.  Sound good?

Well, I'm done rambling for today.  Time for coffee and breakfast.  Ya'll have a great weekend okay?

More Odds and Ends...

I do believe I'm on the upswing from the bummed out episode of the beginning of the month.  Which is a good thing considering the amount of work that I'm tackling in terms of the crochet and knitting orders.  However that means I'll be cutting time online in many ways.

Outside of my music addictions that is...

I've noticed I get a weird kind of lonely.  Like not for a lot of company but one particular person's company.  Yeah him.  Heh, what do you expect?  I love him and we help each other stay happy.

Down side is I have 19 pages to type up (which are handwritten and it translates that three handwritten pages usually equal one typed page... unless you're one of those people with small and neat handwriting which in that case go fuck off.... I hate you....)

Some people are able to force themselves to write and you can't tell the difference between the forced writing and the parts that they wrote in a fit of inspiration that lasted almost all day, and yielded blah-k number of words.  Me... I can't do that.  My muse will give me weird looks when she's feeling writing lazy but wants to crochet.  Or when she wants to write and I want to crochet.

My muse is a multitask-er.  She likes that I can do many different creatives things.  She gets frustrated when I have to remind her I only have two arms. Trust me, I'd love to have two sets.  One doing the yarn work and one typing furiously down all the blasted ideas that roll through my head.

Oh to be Pilot...

I'm actually hoping that once we get the desktop built, I can get one of those write as you speak softwares.  That would make a lot of things easier because I could be on the couch working on the next project and when an idea hits, I can just start talking but keep working.  Being able to do both at once....

Hey a woman can dream can't she?  =D

Also, one more thing.  Yesterday, I grabbed up the The Giver series Omnibus.  The trailers had intrigued me so I grabbed it up.  At least once a month, I have to read a book.  Else the brain fog like I was experiencing earlier this week, just gets worse and it gets harder to get what I need to, done.

It was a pleasant read.  Four books though in six hours time is... well.... I'm a fast reader.  It's just how it is.  However, do not read the books and then see the movie.  You will be pissed.  The trailer has given me enough indications that the movie will be identical in name, character names and maybe a few elements of the story line.  THAT'S IT.

I'm a bit disgusted that the author didn't put her foot down more when they bought the rights for a movie.  There is a good story there, but the fucktards of H-town fucked it up big time.  If you're interested in the Giver series, click that link up there and it'll take you to the Omnibus, which is a better buy than all four separately.

Hey there...

....glad you stopped by. Come on in.  Hot Water on the stove if you'd like some tea.

There's been something rolling around in the back of my head for awhile now.  Let's talk about it.

Either late last year or early this year, I don't remember which, my mother told me about one of her residents at the nursing home she works at.  A doll of a lady.  Literally.  Apparently she was maybe 95 pounds. Maybe 5 foot.

She brought with her her organ, and was a mistress at playing it.  The thing that stuck out in my mind though was a small bit from one of the meals she had come down for, she was wearing according to my mother a very beautiful skirt.  When queried, she told my mother it was her depression skirt.

I just see the puzzled look my mother gave her.

"It's the skirt I made in the Depression."

...yes.... THE Depression.  The blessed woman was, IIRC, over 100.  Think about that for a few minutes.

A skirt she had made, probably in the early 30's.  That puts that skirt between 75 and 85 years old.  She probably hand sewed it.

It was still a beautiful skirt.  Can you just imagine what that looked like?

She was only the home for about a year I think.  She passed away this fall.  A few weeks after I had asked my mom if she could get a picture of her and her skirt.  (And yes, *THAT* thought did fly through my head, being the slightly superstitious wench that I am.  It didn't stay for long, but long enough to make me wince.)

This skirt and woman have been on my mind a lot.

She lived through an era where:

1. Money was practically worthless.
2. Material goods were of high value.
3. Everyone had gardens or knew someone who had a garden and they bartered with them, skills for goods.
4. Things were made to last.  Fabric wasn't as cheaply made, etc.

Folks survived the Depression because they innovated.

They relied on their skills.

They made due.

They were stubborn.

With each passing day, individuals who have decades of experience are slipping through our fingers.  Folks who were there for the Depression.  A treasure trove of a walking library.  One that preppers and survivalists are missing out on.

And their stories! Dear Gods can you imagine their stories!  All back before we were wired in like we are now.  

I really wish I could have might the Skirt Lady and shared a cup of tea with her.

Fuck off Murphy....

punk ass.  I can see you over there just waiting for your chance.  It was a bitch ass move to make the Fiance's boots a half size too small, but those little things are the only thing you better fuck with this November.  Bitch.

Well I am back to just as normal for me as I can get.  The muscle pain is gone and well my appetite is not quite still there yet, it's recovered as well as can be expected.

With the recovery came being able to double down on work again. How much you work you ask?

Allow me to breakdown my orders for you.

Order #1, what's left of it anyways:
A green coat
A light browns coat
A messenger bag

Order two:
2 Toothless (yeap, cute little bugger)

Order #3:
A Ma Cobb hat
A dark blue and black scarf

Order #4:
Another Ma Cobb Hat

Order #5:
A large green shawl

Order #6:
Three Christmas stockings

Order #7:
Dolls (though how many of these I'll be making I'm not sure yet...)

"That's a lot of work there..."

Well kinda.  I have all the patterns, I know what and how these are all going to look like (save the messenger bag, I keep changing my mind on it.)  However I've also got pictures I need to take, and my fiance is never home long enough to doing nothing for long enough to get drafted.

I need a kid... Well... maybe not.  I need more space, which we're going to get when we move to Arizona.  Which means more cooking and baking (yay!). And I digress....

Anyways, that means you guys who take the time to read here, may be getting stuck with cheat articles of pictures of projects as they are coming along and videos of cute stuff.  Maybe some prepping or survivalist videos if I can find some I like.  (Yeah, key term there.)

Sadly I do not have any Samhain plans (pronounced Sow-in) aka Halloween for you mundanes. I'm fairly certain it'll rather simple, spiced cider and a good meal with the Fiance.  I'm rather content with that actually.

Anyways, I hope you're all having a good week, a great Thursday and I'll see ya'll Saturday.

Meanwhile, I'm going to enjoy some more coffee, and then get cracking on work.

Oh Monday, Monday...

Almost back to normal from Thursday kicking my almost-non existent ass.  All that's left is the small meals I'm eating around 4-5 times a day, mild fatigue and some still serious back muscle pain.  I'm just over here thanking the Gods that it's not spasms (!!!).

Been thinking about either doing an auction on the Jade Rose Zen facebook page or doing a "12 days of Christmas/Yule" flash sale event and having about two things a day.

Either way, I'll be cross posting to Google +  plus as well and here to the blog.  Among everything will be some of the really popular stuff, like the dolls, shawls and blankets, but there will be some surprises in there too. =)

In the meantime, I'm going back to bouncing around youtube listening to music, working on orders and sitting in my comfy chair.

In the meantime, here's something I found today.  Enjoy:

Phew....

Thursday was spent sicker than a dog.

I'm talking colds sweats and vomiting almost from morning to very early Friday morning.

My ribs and back still hurt. >_<

So it's a cheat post again today!

Heads up

Crapp... where'd October go?

It's coming up on that time of the year where my orders for knit and crocheted stuff skyrocket.

You folks know you can buy handmade gifts year round right?  And that it really helps out the person making them?   Anyways...

After the gear article series is done on Blue Collar Prepping, I won't be doing weekly articles until January 15th, 2015.  There a few reasons this, one that I just spoke of in the upper paragraphs.

1) I have several orders for Christmas already, and the last day that I'm accepting custom work in order to get it out by December 16th is November 15th.  After that the custom options are getting shut off until January 15th.

2) I'm about on dry in terms writing material that I can crack out.  A large number of the articles I had done for BCP was due to the fact that I didn't feel like a large number of these prepping blogs where actually addressing things that were important... they were all doom and gloom. (Hey, one of the things you're going to have to keep an eye is depression and you stupid fucks writing all doom and gloom aren't helping, ya jackasses.)

Yes I've had some coffee this morning but not a full cup yet.  How can you tell?

So when I am back full in January, I will have more articles on skills that are a good idea to be known and understood if you want to be comfortable during hard times.  First series once back I'm planning on doing a break down of gardening and bits and pieces of information you may not know.

3) We are trying to get moved from California to Arizona.  This is proving to be a major stress factor for me because we have soooooooo many things that we need to straighten out first before we can move.

Hence why I'm focusing on the crochet orders as much as possible so that they are as good as I can make them, and keep setting up that reputation as a good crafter for myself.  This is because the Zibbet and Etsy store are my main sources of income, outside of the tiny bit that comes in from Amazon links.

This blog here will be maintained, but it'll mostly be just showing orders that I've managed to get done and probably cute video of puppies, kittens and other various animals doing adorable shit.  But it's going to be a tiny bit erratic.

Now it's entirely possible that I will get all my orders done by the 16th of December.  What am I going to do between then and my return date of January 16th?

Simple.

Chill.

I have books to read, to work on and a large amount of research to do for the next year's articles.  If I do this right, I'll end up with several months worth of material again.

And probably several more adventures along the way.

In the meantime...

BABY BURRO!

Seen near Lake Havasu.

Later today....

...... I might have a better longer post up for you guys but for now you're just going to have to suffice with a youtube video.

Hand over the coffee....

.... and nobody gets hexed today.

Bleh.

So I managed to be able to watch some television yesterday and on top of that, with the fiance too!

Mike Rowe's "Somebody's Gotta Do It" on CNN on Wednesdays.

I love you Mike.

I dearly love his body of work and the foundation that he's started to get people back into infrastructure jobs as those have suffered greatly at the hands of this "You have to have a college degree to get anywhere" bullshit.

Then it was several hours of Alaska: The Last Frontier on Discovery channel.

I seriously heart the Kilcher (sp?) family.  I love Alaska, I love that raw hard edge homesteading and I love the fact that so much of that show makes me either laugh from memories my parents told me of, I've been in that situation at one point or it was just amusing.

To be honest, I think most of you folks take being able to laugh for granted.

Like today, I woke up and my headspace is not quite right today.

I don't really know why, I didn't see anything that was even remotely a trigger, but I'm fighting the urge to crawl back under the covers and it's not because I'm tired.

But I have yarn and music and I'm chilling still in Phoenix.  The place is just that much better that I know I'm going to be all right in a few hours.

So it's just this today.  Enjoy being able to laugh.

Glorious

So yesterday was eight hours in the car.  We left, I chilled in the vehicle while he dealt with a court thing and then we grabbed some .22 and 45 and started driving.

This morning I wake up in a gloriously different place from LA.  Yeap, Arizona.

"How can Arizona be better that California?"

Ah my dears, that is because you might be forgetting that everyone has different priorities.  I'm a Witch, k?

Here in Arizona the vibe...it's the difference between stepping into cool water on a hot day and looking at dirty, muddy, been tramped in for weeks on end and knowing you can't get out of going in.  The latter being California.

The vibe is just better.  It's cleaner. It's less artificial feeling to me to be honest.  Plus there's constitutional carry.  ^_^

Now onto the gross bits...

Gross bit section begin:
An update on the ongoing project of using re-usable cotton pads.  Ever since I was started my periods, my right ovary has been the real cunt of the two.  Everything from when the cramps hit of collapsing at work and getting sent home to being violently ill for about four days.  My left one is not as bad.   Hell the left one is a little angel compared to this bitch of a right one. The left one about 75% only causes cramps for about a day and 100% of the time cravings for red meat.  (The rawer, the better!)

Well since using the cotton ones I made, the right one has been reduced from four days to two days.  This is a major improvement.

Another thing I've noticed is that the tissue lining (this is what you end up bleeding during the period) seems to be having an easier time of coming loose.  I've gone from 4-8 days of periods to 3-6.  Yes this means heavier periods, however that just in the first day or two.  This means I'm back on my feet and able to be fully productive again faster.

Read that last sentence again and understand that that is incredibly important to me.  If I'm not feeling close to 100%, I can't do my crochet work.... this leads to other problems.

End Gross Part

Another thing that has cropped up that is going to be crucial to address, is the fact that I have lost my familiarity with guns.  This pisses me off to no end.  Hence why grabbing a bit of 22 from storage and 45 was so damn important yesterday.

I'm one of the girls who used to work for Oleg Volk for fuck's sake, I knew guns and they were
merely objects.

Really fun to shoot objects, but pistols and rifles held no power.  Now, because of losing my familiarity with them...they bring back a few memories that I don't need.  Like the fact that one of my first firearms teachers was also treating me like a cumbucket ("You have no concept of how to easy on yourself do you?" Nope.) and was also one of my rapist when it was all said and done.  He was a lousy fucking teacher.  Can't handle shotguns because of it.  (Fuck him by the way.  Karma ain't done with him yet.)

This is going to be one of the harder projects to work on as I refuse to let this stand.  I will be pistol packing again full time once in Arizona full time and I'm not going to do it afraid.  I will not let something that helps me be able to walk unafraid of other piece of shit wanna be humans, be a fucking PTSD trigger.

I will not be afraid.

Fear is the mind killer....

John Wallin Liberto - Artist plus a few updates from me.

"You're here!"

Late, but here.  And in case you're wondering why the dolls on the right would be your answer.  Another order finished and will be on its way to a hopefully very happy customer.  So while I'm nomming on my treat (yeah it's just McDonalds double hamburgers, but it's still a treat damnit!) let's jump into the next artist I was newly introduced to here recently.


Now anyone who knows me really well knows that I am in fact a Halo girl.  Halo: Combat Evolved for PC was my first computer game and the fourth Science Fiction universe that I found had found that I really really liked.  Halo has expanded into this lovely complex series of games, books, cartoons and comics.

Halo 4 was how I was introduced to the work of John Wallin Liberto

.
*shiver*  Pass me the battle rifle!

John is a rising star it seems in the concept artist world, so be sure to check out his linked above.

And that is it for today.  I'll see you guys tomorrow and I'll warn you right, it's going to be gross and mushy and all personal like.

(Whether or not the following is an official trailer for Halo 5, I've been able to ascertain.  Either way, enjoy!)