Onto the Next Project!

 After the nuke that was my last post, I figured it was nigh time to talk about something a bit more positive: Like my future. So let's talk about my goals and how I'm using them to propel myself towards to cleaning up a mess or two that I made for myself because I was a raging idiot. Some lessons about responsibility can only be learned the hard way. So there are two goals I have for this year that I'm going to be sharing. I have other smaller goals but they don't require me to advertise and try to convince you to buy my product. ;) So let's see how well I can convince you today!

Goal number one is some new technology devices, which is the more achievable to be honest and probably the one that will enable me to begin a long term project I have in mind and make the second goal easier to achieve as well.

Goal 1 A: is a brand new mouse. Hell that can be covered if someone decides to buy even just one of my dice bags.

Goal 1 B: Is a new camera.

That would be the lovely Canon Rebel. Right now I use my old phone which is basically just a Wifi device, but it is dying. It's a almost four year old phone. It's lived through two moves and two dogs and a cat. Its still working on surviving the cat....

With summer approaching and soon to descend upon The Valley of the Sun my work emphasis does tend to slide towards working on smaller projects like Cloches and dice bags.  That being said I had to find something the other day and in one of my storage bags I found about a half dozen hats that I had forgotten I had made. Yeah, bad Evelyn. Those will go up as soon as I've had a change to throw them through a dryer. (DAMNIT CHOCTAW!) 

Also coming to the shop hopefully in the next week sunlight cooperating, there'll be a poncho and matching hat, more infinity scarves with hats, and slightly better fleshed out listings in a couple of spots.

Progress on a Gold and Crimson Corded Cardigan is coming along nicely along with a Mint and Lemon baby set. There is a Lime Lively "Chunky" knit scarf that will appear in the store in the next couple of weeks as well. After that there will mostly be nothing new for a few weeks as I'll be working on a couple of commissions and trades for work. There will a dig through prior projects put on the back burner and forgotten about and a huge push to finish as many of those as I can before going on the Second Retreat.

Am I bringing yarn along on the retreat?  ....you do realize this is me we're talking here right?!

So the second goal after getting the camera is a long term goal. This is the thing I was talking about in the first paragraph about having an idiot. This is one of those mistakes where it doesn't take long to accomplish it but damned if it doesn't take you awhile to clean up the mess.

I don't plan on dumping a huge payment onto it. No, that would be stupid as there are other bills that need paid too. Like the car. 

I'm going to be putting all sales after I get the camera (so that I can get better pictures of my listings) towards paying off my credit card. (Relax, they only trust me a 3300 limit. Which is a good thing for the time period that covered. Now I'm in clean up mode.) Once I get into a steady payment rhythm on it, I know I can have it paid off in a couple of years (barring any emergency car repairs. Eep even.) and also focusing on paying off the car. Those are the two things that will be building my credit and his up the best. We have until April 2019 here at the current place we're renting, but damned if we aren't hoping to be not renting by then. Takes work though.

So that the deal. Why am I telling you guys this? Well so that you know what I'm doing with the money from Etsy purchases. People seem to like knowing it how it helps. Also helps me solidify what I'm doing with the shop. It's not just for shits and giggles. Having set goals helps a LOT.

So in summary, the Etsy are going towards:
1) A New Mouse
2) A Rebel Camera
3) Paying down the credit card
4) Paying off the Rav 4.

Brain... Seriously?

Click on the picture to be taken to this
Etsy listing!

So between two colds back to back that lasted a month and the monthly uterine rebellion, my brain has been fuzzy, over clocked and refusing to cooperate when I want to go to sleep.

So what does my brain do last night as I'm laying there in the hour after me and DR had gone to bed do?

"Hey I wonder if people look up stuff via DnD alignment types? Wouldn't it be fun to make a Chaotic Neutral series? Or even a Lawful Ebil? ...how the hell would make a Lawful ebil even work? What color schemes would I need to use?"

GAH!

I'd already been planning a series based on the core classes. The thing with ideas like this is that while it's cool and fantastical... those who would actually be enthusiastic about buying such in limited numbers and limited budgets.

Biggest drawback to being a hand crafter: Making the cool pretty shit versus the more practical every day shit that appeals to a more broad demographic. Occasionally making one of the fantasy things here and there to show that I posses the skill level to do such is okay but not at the expense of the things that sell.

The little things add up quickly. Hell one of these days I dream of waking up and finding I'm out of Dice Bags would be great! Then again I enjoy making those, so running out probably isn't going to happen anytime soon. ^_^

I found out not too long ago, finding baby and toddler boy themed blankets is a bit harder than I had originally thought. So I'm definitely going to be trying to keep a few of those in the shop from now on. 

Other than that, it's just a finish other projects day. Hopefully I'm feeling well enough at week's end to list some more things on the shop but staging, taking pictures, editing them and creating the listings can be very menial and mentally tiring. Definitely best for days when I've been staying on top of eating and other self care that's crucial for certain stuff to behave.

If I could stab that voice

I would.

Viciously and the point to the that it'd make the Vikings damn proud of how fucking dead it is.

I can only imagine how much worse it'd be if I had gone on the pill and inevitably followed by anti-dep meds. (Fuck those by the way. How do people not fucking read or care of the reactivity between those two?!) 

So my mood for today is especially grey as after being awake until almost 4am when I was awakened around 5:30ish by cramps. *sigh* Night before hand, same amount of being awake. Let's just say I'm exceedingly grateful to DR for letting me sleep in the mornings. Means I start later in the day, but in terms of taking care of myself it's working. Me with little sleep is... very very bad.

But today I found myself dealing with that insidious little voice simpering inside my inner ear about why am I even trying to have kids? 

"You can't carry to full term why are you even fucking trying? You as a mom? Are you trying to kill yourself? You think you that much of a badass? We all know you can't be mom, you're fucking damaged goods."

Yeah... that voice. I've been dealing with it for close to ten years now since I made the decision I wanted to have that be a part of my life, being a mom. You wanna talk struggle? Let's talk about how many damn times I've had to console myself. How many damn times I've found myself wondering which God/dess I'm going to have to blackmail, cajole, bribe into leaving me alone so I can just be a mom.

The fucking struggle to deal with the terror that I'll never get that chance by normal means. That's a biggie to me. Even if I only give birth once, I'm going to be fucking grateful. Though I still want my clan of 4-8 I've kinda given up on getting that many and have been pushing for 3. 

Just.... stab stab stabbity. I mean  seriously?! There are so many little things I have worked on and keep working on to fill in the cracks of the foundations and just trying to finish the fucking foundation out that dealing with distractions like this fucking critic are purely frustration. And we all know frustration can't be expressed fully ever. It's not a simple emotion.  It's one of those emotions that you find yourself saddled with day in and day out sometimes depending on what the cause is.

I'd like to think I'm going to a decent mom. Hell, even with the decision to homeschool I've already been figuring out to use the most of mundane things to teach practical lessons. Like the other day, I pointed that cooking was a great way to teach basic chemistry and basic fractions. Probably one of the best ways to teach fractions. (Not to mention more tasty results.) So many things just to decide not to have kids. How dare you voice. How dare you.

A large part of this goes right into the Anxiety. Into the limited amount of "can do" in a day. When you're damn near constantly splitting time between this world, your mental world, the emotional baggage, the Witch world and creative because the creative is the means of turning the untamed chaos into something useful... the balancing act stops being an act...eventually right?

Rant Time - Charity "Works"

After an...interesting encounter at the laundromat, I'm reminded yet again that all of us are just one bad stroke of luck away from being on a street corner. 

charity

[char-i-tee] 
 

• Synonyms

• Examples

• Word Origin

See more synonyms on Thesaurus.com
noun, plural charities.1.generous actions or donations to aid the poor, ill, or helpless:
to devote one's life to charity.2.something given to a person or persons in need; alms:
She asked for work, not charity.3.a charitable act or work.4.a charitable fund, foundation, or institution:
He left his estate to a charity.5.benevolent feeling, especially toward those in need or in disfavor:
She looked so poor that we fed her out of charity.6.leniency in judging others; forbearance:
She was inclined to view our selfish behavior with charity.7.Christian love; agape.

Allow me to point out at no time in any definition of charity is it demanded. That becomes entitlement. Demanded charity is not charity nor should it be given under any circumstances. Attempted forced charity is asinine at best and downright criminal at worst.

One does charitable things for another because they CAN and WANT to. Never demand a person help their neighbor when their own household is suffering. Ninety percent of people don't have their lives together enough to be even considering being charitable money wise. Yet there are those who claim, assure and at times downright demand that all charity be done with coin. 

This is the lowest of the low in terms of charitable acts. Often times it's hand in hand with a political or religious bent which demands forcing others to supply resources to those deemed "less fortunate" many times ignoring the causes of said state of affairs for those individuals in need of such kindness. Many blindly claiming that without the government guiding such things, the wrong people might get helped. Oh you mean like the poor man I had to deal with today in the laundromat who needed to wash his clothes but was very clearly mentally ill in many ways that needed a caretaker to make sure he took his pysch meds and to keep him off alcohol? Myself and three others managed to get him squared away and kept out of other peoples hair.

And yet he probably gets passed over because the fake needy have already taken the resources home. Fake needy make up at least half if not more of all charity cases (and I'm being.... charitable... in that estimation). There are those who would call me cold for not helping any of them. Why should I? Most are lying and demand cash, a thing that can spent on anything. 

Genuine charity works are things like canned goods(that are not about to fucking expire) and supplies to homeless shelters like new socks and new underwear and new bras, washcloths and bars of soap in mesh bags so as not lose any pieces, feminine pads, hell even bandaids.

That goes back to my point though: Charity should not be done if your own household isn't order. If you're behind on bills, you've holes in your own clothing, pets to take care of and children to spend time with you should not be helping anyone else. Harming yourself to help another is a NET LOSS.  

Next point is the... bent... behind the charity work. I've walked away from projects because they started in with the politics. Politics are what damn people not help them. Religious rigidity about whom they'll help and the requirements before helping are another problem that needs to be completely eradicated. Topped off with they only want help from "Their kind of people" and you'll find the entire charity organization environment to be little more than a toxic wasteland of bloated pockets, egos and few people genuinely helped.

Charity starts and should stay with small acts of kindness. Be helping put scarves and hats on statues in cold areas with tags that read "If your caught outside in the cold and are in genuine need, feel free!" It's things like Blessing Bag's that make the little differences that really help a person get through their day. Here in Phoenix, easy to carry gallons of water for the really stubborn in the summer time that don't move up to Flagstaff. (Seriously, those folks are tenacious.) 

I've harped on this before and most likely will again. Seriously, when the most charitable thing I'm able to do for someone is help them get their clothes clean and that makes them the happiest person within five blocks, that there's something wrong with how people are approaching charity as a whole.

Oh 2018 What the hell have you done?

So here we are in the year 2018. It's been three years since I last touch this blog however even with all the shenanigans that Google has been pulling, this is the better option blog.

Wordpress while slick and shiny demands I have to have a business account if I want to be able to even have my Etsy listings show up right. 36 bucks a year for "Business" and the premium that would get them off my back permanently all year... 300 bucks.

No thanks fuckers, I barely have enough profit margin right now to be able to even afford to pay the cable.

So I'm back over here where I can advertise my stores for free and not have eat into financial resources that I don't fucking have.

Once again, this is going to be an everything blog. Talking about my personal crocheting, mental health and emotional overflow from said issues, knitting, writing, dealing with my PTSD, anxiety, depression, prepping (I don't write for BCP anymore but am still associated with them).

And yes there will be pet shenanigans. Many many pet shenanigans.

So buckle up, because this year has just started and the outline for it looks pretty damn solid so far.

It's almost 2015 already?!

The Chief just seemed appropriate. =)

Holy shit... well I finally got all my Christmas orders done.  I've learned some serious lessons this year, like me and poison oak don't get along, but there's been others.

Like time management.

Like if someone brings my ability to work to a crashing halt, I need to put my damn foot down about there are very specific times they can be over and very specific time amounts they can stay.  I lost a lot more time than I like to think about to that idiot. Who now is trying to use her boys as pawns to get her into a better housing situation or flown home. Oh and it's everyone else's fault but her own that she's now couch surfing. I feel sorry for her kids.  Her...not an ounce. She had four different jobs that she managed to land.... then got too drunk and hungover.  I'm sure you can guess how that ended.

I've learned that I've healed a lot this year. I was able to go hiking with two folks I barely knew and had a blast. Nothing triggered. No episodes. Just a good much needed break. I was able to go to a ballet (!!!!), the Nutcracker. I had DR with me of course and a bag with crochet in it. (HA! Thought I left that behind didn't ya?)

I've learned to have less fear of the future. Still have a massive amount, but it's probably half of what it was. Fear as in, whether or not I am capable to learn enough as to the where's and what's I'll be doing in the future are of minor concern.

I managed so far to get through this holiday season with a panic attack. I think it's been at least three or four months since the last one, that's a record. There have been a couple of minor ones that I managed to head off, and no anxiety attacks flaring into a panic attack.  Whew.  Now that (!) is progress.

I still miss my cat though. =(

And yes for those of you wondering Mace is based on Mindy.  Many of the interactions between Lacy and Mace in normal every day to day, are actually things that happened with us at the cabin. Including the bit about band aids needed on the thighs.  Ouchz!

I've started writing again. I used to write a lot of that was... let's just say, only DR gets to see that and even then I get a pat on the head. Yeah, that's the best way to sum up his reaction and no, I don't find it insulting. I tend to understand that action a bit better than vocal reactions to that old stuff.

I know I need to charge a bit more for some of the things I make.  Like the coats.  I think I'll be phasing out a couple of things after New Year's and introducing several new things that are going to go over well I think. Nope, no hints.

We also have a table now.  Yes, it's el cheapo fold plastic table from Wal*Mart, but we have a damn table. We have a place we can sit and eat our meals at...instead asian style on the floor....

I still have a few other orders, but I still don't know what to do with myself now that all the Christmas ones are done. Feels weird to be honest.  Good, but weird.

We celebrated Yule this Sunday. I managed to make a leg of lamb taste amazing. We threw it into the crockpot with leeks, rice and green onions.  I barely tugged on the bone and it came out with no meat left on it. We did stuffed bell peppers with goat creme cheese and veggies.  There's enough food left over for another week's worth of meals.

I'm not active on my facebook right now. I'm sad because facebook changed their policies about pages and you basically have to pay after January 2015 for people to see your content. I ain't got that kind of money.  I'm sad because a lot of really awesome pages might go bye-bye while I'm gone.  I'll have a website hopefully soon though, so that I can stop relying on Etsy and Zibbet.

I AM on ello under Evelyn Stormrose, so if anyone is over there and not already friended me, please feel free, drop me a line too while you're at.

I will have be having two coats at the end of February up for grabs.  No clues about the colors, you'll just have to wait and see.

Okay, I've rambled on enough for today. =) See you guys tomorrow.

Changeling's Agony, Chapter III

HIYA!!!! Are you enjoying this series so far? Yes I know it's a bit ambiguous right now as what's going on with Lacy, but I promise that before Changeling's Agony is done, it'll make partial sense.  The next in this series is going to be Changeling's Awakening.  The prologue, after going over my notes for this story I made year's ago, isn't quite right for what this story is going to be telling, so once Agony is done, I will be re-releasing an adjusted version of the prologue so that certain things will become clearer.  For those of you who have been reading my blog regularly, thank you thank you thank you!!!  I do greatly appreciate it and will hopefully soon have something awesome for you. -- Evelyn



This is a work of fiction.  All concepts, characters and events portrayed in this book are used fictitiously and any resemblance to real people or events is purely coincidental. 

Copyright Evelyn Hively, 2014

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means without prior written permission of the publisher, nor be circulated in any form of bind or cover other than that in which it is published without a similar condition being imposed on the subsequent publisher.

January 19th, 2012

    Somewhere in my subconscious is a repressed memory of such that no person such ever have to deal with.  

- Lacy's Journal 

    Keep going.

    Katana's voice echoed through her ears. It was a strange sensation having an ethereal creature be able to affect things the way this dragon did. At the same time, Lacy was glad for it. All Mace could do was distract her and make her laugh. Kat could actually talk back with full syntax and coax, cajole or scold her into continuing to work.  

    It was four a.m. in the morning.  She hadn't been to sleep yet. Sleep was refusing to come to her. There was a pile of hats next to her. She had found a basic hat pattern in one of her crochet pattern books three days ago. From there she had been combining two different colors of yarn into hats. 

    Make another one Lacy. Keep going.

    Lacy glanced at her rather large serpentine friend. Her eyes were nearing bloodshot and she exhausted, but sleep wasn't happening yet. The only light was from the fire. It was all she needed for this particular crochet pattern as she could do it at this point in her sleep. She grabbed the crochet hook and two new strands of yarn. She chained four and paused, looking at Kat.

    "Does this really help?"

    Don't be silly. You know it does. It releases endorphin's into your system countering the depression and you end up accomplishing something. You know this. Keep going. You must keep going Lacy.

    Lacy felt herself start crying. She had always had trouble getting to sleep, but staying asleep had become a problem in recent months. DAMNIT, she thought. She was more emotional than normal too and it wasn't that time of the month either as she had just finished that. So what was it? The answer to this was eluding her.
    Lacy wiped the few tears from her cheeks and took a deep breath. She started doing double crochets into the fourth stitch from the hook and kept going until there were twelve. She paused again, Kat watching her from underneath a much bigger carport on spirit side than in reality. Katana kept her agitation under control. There were wounds deeper than she had been led to believe about her little human charge. She wasn't pleased, as those wounds would seriously hinder things in the future if they weren't dealt with.  

   Kat nudged the young woman with her nose.  

   Come on.  Keep going. Just one more hat, then I'll sing you to sleep.  
    Lacy nodded, smiling slightly. Dragon songs she had found were very soothing when done right. She almost always slept when they were singing. They being Kat and two smaller dragons that were practically babies that had shown in the past week. One told her it's name was Gnobin. He looked like a baby Draco. The other was called Snarp. She enjoyed being on top of the fridge for whatever reason. When all three of them sang, there was no staying awake.

    Kat watched the young woman work, keeping her pace steady. The more work she did, the farther she pulled herself out of the blackness that was afflicting her. The closer she get could herself to being in a grey state of being, the easier it would be to pull the memories up that she needed to deal with. They had to be dealt with.

    Lacy found herself on the third row of the hat. She kept going as these hats only took her around an hour to make. For whatever reason, she was sleeping best between five a.m. and ten a.m.. It was only five hours of sleep, but it was deeper sleep than normal and more restful. 

    Mace stuck her head around the chimney and watched her human in it's rocking chair. She looked at the dragon and trilled at it. Kat chuckled.

    You know the answer to that as well as I do.

    "You guys creep me out when you do that."

    Kat laughed. Lacy wasn't able to speak Cat, but dragons could.

    She's being impatient for you to get to bed. Apparently it's cold and she wants snuggles. Snuggles are worth putting down your yarn.

    Lacy stood up, joints protesting the change of position. She put another two pieces of wood plus two pieces of hard wood she knew would burn slow into the fire stove for a total four new pieces and trilled back at Mace. Mace charged up the stairs to their bedroom and waited for her to crawl into bed, before snuggling tight into her back. Lacy fell asleep with a smile on her face to the very loud purrs of an adoring cat.

    Katana watched from her vantage point.  She had her work cut out for her. She slipped back away from the growing quiet cabin and took to the air. The Appalachian mountains, while older than the Rockies, had more hiding places despite their erosion rates. Her mate was waiting for her in one of the hollows. Uchi, looked at her adoringly as she landed. They touched foreheads for a moment before curling around each other.

    How is she, he asked.

    I'm not sure. I'm worried we didn't find her in time to alleviate the damage done.

    Uchi gently nuzzled his mate. They had been asked to find this girl human for reasons he didn't understand yet.

    Think she'll dream tonight?

    No. I've been asked to not let her until she reaches a point of being able to handle the night terrors one at a time, Kat told him.

    He frowned, which was a abnormal thing for a dragon of his type.

    One at a time?

    Oh yes...it's worse than what we were told.  This assignment is going to hell for me. I can see my old friend in her, but I know she's not actually her. I know she's Lacy.

    Uchi covered his wife with a wing.

    The Supreme would not have asked us to do this if it wasn't her. She'll be fine. We must have faith in her.

    Katana snuggled against him.

    I hope you're right.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

    Gnobin curled up beside the bed of his foster mom. Mace looked over the side at him.

    Yeah, I know you're not happy sharing her buuuuuutttttt......

    The cat just huffed at him. He snorted softly and checked on Lacy. She was the human that was to be his constant foster mother while he grew until she passed on or until he hit a hundred. Spirit side time moved differently than normal human time, so he wasn't sure which would happen first. Lacy was the first human he had ever interacted with. She doted on him like a normal mother, but still let him look around. With conditions of course.

    Mace jumped down and curled around him leaving him with a smile. That meant they were going into the dream worlds. Lacy had repressed her memories of being able to do that so it meant they were her backup. He liked it when he got to run with Mace. Mace, on the Dream plains, was actually a very large Jaguar. A very very large Jaguar. While Lacy never remembered while waking, she rode Mace and it was like watching a four year ride a draft horse that was a Percheron or Clydesdale. The cat was massive.

    He closed his eyes and was looking up at his feline friend in seconds. Mace looked down at him chuckling.

    At your size, I'm not sure why you don't just appear on my back.

    I prefer to do such things with permission if you don't mind, he responded back to the massive dire sized jungle cat. She gently head-butted him.

   Come on. We've a Lacy to find.

   He glanced around as he leaped up and flutter down to between her shoulder blades.  

    Shit... where is she?! We usually jump into the Dream Plains right next to her. 

    Mace looked around and sighed.

    It means she's reliving tonight.  

    Damnit...and she's still repressing. It'll be another month before she's ready to deal with it... Gnobin sighed heavily. His foster mother had so many problems that he in his forty-years of existence could not solve. Then he remember he was only a baby in dragon years. He wasn't going to be a teenager so to speak until he was a hundred and sixty. Mace glanced over her shoulder at him.

    Focus.

    Right, sorry.

    S'all good hun.

Argh

So today is a cheat post.  Sorry about that guys.  I'm dealing with one of my crocheting nemesis's: Baby booties.

I know I know, they are ridiculously simple looking.... yet I can't make them with any semblance of looking decent to save my crochet hooks.  Hundreds of patterns and it all comes out looking the same.  Go figure right?

So here's some season fitting music from one of the few artists that I can stand listening to around this time of year, for any length time.

Heads up!

There won't be a Changelings Agony chapter this week and the next post may not be until Sunday or Monday.

Why? Well.....

These are the unfinished projects I have currently.  I have five open Christmas orders that I'm busting fingers on, so if I am manage to get a couple done by Sunday, I'll be doing good.  

All right, y'all be good (or good at it).

Ooohhh... so that's what a weekend is....

which is basically just something that was arbitrarily set as a week's end and the week's beginning.  ...Just another two days in other words.

Being able to take a day off is a privilege.  Not a right.  If I take a day off, it's because I want to.  Sometimes I need to, hence me dancing around like a happy puppy inside my head when I got to go with the hot springs.

Everything has healed up nicely from the hike now.  The right calf is still a bit stiff, but I think it's because I may have over-used it a bit more than the left.  The hips, surprisingly enough are fine.

I'm done to the last two Christmas orders and finishing the one really big order.  Feels good because I've managed also to make a few presents this year as I had deliberately allowed time for it this year.

Which brings me to the facebook break, which will be about a month and a half.  December 19th to January 31st.  I'll need to be able to get in touch with a few folks on facebook as I'll be working on some seriously heavy projects.

Speaking of which, yesterday was.... off.  I know a few of my friends were feeling it too.  Depressive and just.... yucky.  If I had to describe the vibe of yesterday, the best way to do so is imagine you knocked olive oil all over yourself.... now imagine you can't wash it off for several hours.  Pretty much.

It let up when the fiance got back from a few errands, but I can tell you right now, I'm going to need a furbaby once we get to Arizona.  I will need the company.  And knowing my luck, the little brat may even end up being there waiting on the doorstep as we're moving in.

Today, I smudged with sage.  As soon as it was possible too.  That definitely helped a lot.  I'll probably do that a few more times today too.

Changeling's Agony will be up here shortly after this, I'm just doing some polishing on it.  So not really much to chat about today.  Hey, it happens.

*Pop, creak* Ouch

I got to go to a hot springs, I got to go to a hot springs. Na na na na na-nyah! I'm kicking myself though, because I didn't take as many photos as I should have.  Also, further digging into the area... showed that the Pacific Crest Trail, goes right that spot.

Deep Creek Hot Springs.  A gorgeous little gem of an area.  Now mind you this was Sunday-Monday.  The hike out was a bit more intense... okay a lot more intense, because we were going up for a large chunk of it, but the calf muscle and shoulder pain have been totally worth.

Then last night one of our local grocery stores was having a sale on turkey... that basically came out to 50 cents a pound.  

We grabbed a 14 pound one and processed it down into more manageable sized pieces.  Cut the legs, wings, breasts, shoulders and thighs off.  Cut a large amount of dark meat off into smaller pieces and wrapped that up and froze it as well.

We threw the remaining carcass which was the ribcage, spine etc along with the neck bones and the remaining meat from the turkey breast we had gotten for thanksgiving into the pot.  Proceeding to boil that down for about maybe two hours.  By the time we were done, there was 2 quarts of nothing but turkey stock.  The amount of broth and meat leftover for turkey stew is close a quart and a half.  The turkey meat leftover after that  is enough for turkey salad, turkey omelettes and turkey tacos.  And that was just from boiling down the bones and the meat that was left one them.

I still haven't gotten my pack cleaned out and put back together yet... or the sleeping bag run through the dryer... or the laundry finished....but I do have the Toothless order almost finished and am about to finish of the coats and start on the stockings and.... LOL yeah, I know, I need an assistant some weeks.

It's been one of those weird weeks though ya know?  A lot of great things have happened, but we also got hit by Murphy again this past Sunday.  The fiance had to go take care of a speeding ticket.  He hit something that blew out the front tire and while trying to bring the car to a stop, managed to get gravel between the tire and the hubcap, and flat tire alla carte.

Which cost us close to  400 bucks (250 for the tow... yeah seriously) then replace the blown tire and fix the flat tire.  Oh and that speeding ticket does look like it'll get dismissed, but it's going to take two more trips to get it ironed out.

Then I have family and friends that aren't quite feeling themselves and...

Well, let's just say I have a Yule/Christmas challenge for ya'll.  This holiday season, instead of casting/praying for this that or the other thing, pray/cast that the people you know, even if they haven't told you they need, are provided comfort.  The holiday seasons are some of the most brutal times of the year for a lot of folks.  Like me.  Christmas day, seven years to do the day this year, is my second miscarriage.  I was two months along.  Time takes the sting out of it but... well...

So yeah, that is my challenge to everyone who reads this.  Pray/wish/cast that everyone in your life, is given some comfort and closure.

It's the etheral things, that make Yule/Christmas what it is.

It's Saturday already?!?!

I don't know about you but that week went fast!

So I'm chilling out, as I've got two orders almost 90% done.  With another three at halfway and one more that I'll be starting on tomorrow.  Chilling out though means working on orders around here, so I'm doing one of the knitting orders instead of one of the crocheting ones for a change of pace.

Black Friday has come and gone with its usual amounts of snarling, moaning and not actually saving money.

I almost ate too much on Thursday, and I made enough for food for leftovers for a week.  And that was just with cooking for just two people.  Can you imagine how much food is going to be leftover in future years?  Any guests we have will get sent home to-go boxes of food.  LOL

I'll have the first chapter of Changeling's Agony up later today.  I'm working on it in-between color changes on two of the orders I've made time to work on today.  Which reminds me, must remind fiance to bring home a couple of craft supplies.  =/

That never seems to fail.  I get an order for something, I think GREAT! I have everything I need... wrong....never fails.  Never ever ever fails.  Either I need stuffing, felt for eyes, more of one color or I get distracted by an annoying neighbor.   

So what was there for me to be thankful for this Thanksgiving?

I'm with my fiance, we actually got turkey this year (last year was chicken), we got to spend most of the evening together, watched Charlie Brown Thanksgiving, and just had a nice quiet day.  While we aren't living in a better place yet, that's on the horizon and is a very attainable goal.

Also for those of you who are eyeballing things in my shop, there's a 20% off coupon for the Etsy storefront - BLUECOLLARPREP2014 for your entire order.  It's good until the 18th of next month, when the shop goes on vacation for a bit.

So all in all, I had a great holiday.  I hope you did too.

Saturday Morning rambling on

So, I'm chilling here.  Working on fixing a couple of Toothless wings that I read the pattern on wrong (@^$&#*@$%&#$) and just enjoying a semi-normal morning.  Semi-normal to most folks anyone.

For me it's a normal morning.  Planning out my time for how much I'm going to spend on each project. Hoping the idiot whose a blasted energy vampire practically doesn't come over (you know the kind of folks that always leave you drained).  Wondering how many personal experiences to spin up into Changeling's Agony.  Making sure I'll have eaten before Traveller's Universe tonight.  Practicing yoga sitting positions (which are great when you've hip problems like I do).

If the brat en-vamp will stay away, I'll be on track.  She's one of these people who when she comes in, everything comes to crashing screeching halt.  She knows she's welcome sometimes, but somehow that got stretched to all the time in her head.   *facepalm*

Changeling's Agony has cemented itself for the most part in my head.  I know where I and it want to go.  So far, me and the story/characters agree on the directions and events.  ...so far.

Other stories are coming along as well, but those are coming along at like... a paragraph at a time.

The muse knows, it's focus on crochet orders and that has taken the priority.

Save for where Nuovaria and CA are involved.  I've had two handwritten chapters of Nuovaria that I've been working on getting typed up, and expect to finish those by next weekend.

It literally goes as follows:

*crocheting for several minutes*

*take a break, type up a paragraph or two, save progress*

*go back crocheting*

That's how it goes...like I said... normally goes.

At the suggestion of my big brother, I'm going to get a sign made when we get moved that says:

"The Cauldron Hours are: 10AM - 8PM local time."

Time for a change.

"Uh oh.... what kind of change Evie?"

Relax.  It's... okay yeah actually it is kinda major.

One of the things that a Witch should be doing frequently, is introspection.  Self-improvement is vital but ego is meant to be a tool, not make you into a tool.

One must be aware of their interactions in every light.

Yesterday I found myself staring back at the realization that I have a large amount of work to do... and that I can't do it with my facebook stuff still active.  We ALL know how much a time sink that place can be.

Well it's also the home of keyboard warriors and their liquid courage.  Loose lips sink ships?

Loose fingers cause episodes.

Last two months have been many micro and small episodes after scanning my facebook feed and coming away dealing with memories.  That's a little too much power over someone.  I can't keep sacrificing my productivity just be online and debate with someone.   I better things to do, than sit on the floor staring at my computer screen wondering how the fuck someone could so god damn stupid.  The site is going full on depression trigger some days.

What happens when something has too much power of you?  You remove it. Completely.

Everything on Facebook is going to be shut down a few days before Yule.  Probably will be back up online there next summer.  The Zibbit and Etsy will be on vacation from December 18th to January 15th.  They'll be online and available for your perusal after January 15th again.  However, there may not be a lot of in-stock things.

I am going to be working on a new website, one where I can have the store, this blog and everything I work on in ONE place.

Yeah, there are folks I won't know how are doing because the only way we interact is Facebook.  There's only a few of folks that I'll actually seriously miss that I only interact with on FB.  Like a Controlled Chaos and MurphyMonster's Dad...  But the site has become a source of stress, and less and less enjoyment every day.  I'm looking at Ello and maybe MiWe I think it was called as maybe a new option over Facebook, but I'm not sure on those either.

But I am dangerously close to burning out.  I can feel that crinkling sensation that seems to happen at the edge when you've pushed yourself on one particular topic for too long.

You do what you have to in order to take care of yourself.  Regardless of what others might think is best for you.  They aren't you.  They aren't dealing with the consequences of YOUR actions.  They aren't responsible for your mess, your emotions, your problems.  You can weigh their advice against a situation, and toss it if you know it's wrong.

Sometimes the only piece of advice that's worth listening to is, "Now I'm not you..."

Black Zone

That's what I've taken to calling it.

October 2011 - March 2012.

When I hit my worst bought of depression since I was 16-17 years of age.

I don't remember most of November or December.  January was when things start moving upward and March was when for the first time since I was 11 or 12... I didn't feel like I was covered in oil.

I talk about this because I'm still bummed out.  Not as badly as the Black Zone, but still.  It's fucking with my productivity, my ability to keep the PTSD from getting severe in terms of symptoms.  Minor flashbacks I can deal with.... but not when they go on all day.

With the fiance going on work that I can't come along with, it's harder to fight days off like that.  He's become a very big part of my world and being able to deal with this shit.  So when he's not around and I don't get to see him for a few days.... yeah.  It's bad.  Dark gray.  Not Black, but definitely a darker grey than I like.

A part of what made January the recovery that it was, was because I had picked up the habit of crocheting one small thing a day.  Usually first thing in the day, after morning coffee and lovings from the MindyCat.  Be it a hat or a neck purse.

There were literally days, were that was all I did.  Was make hats.  Beanies to be precise.

I get one done, get up walk around, stoke the fire, re-clean something (I had mice seeing as how I was in the middle of the woods) and then would sit back down, pick two new colors and make another hat.

I made a lot of hats and purses.

I think I need to return that habit of one small thing made a day.  It puts something down as having accomplished something, and that causes a massive release of endorphin's to counteract the grey.  It makes it was easier to get other things done to.

And by the end of the day, I've managed to get at least two or three things done.  When you deal with depression a lot, that's a major accomplishment.

Even if that one thing, multiplies into several of the same thing.... I've gotten something.  I've made a step, from dark grey to towards actual colors again.

The orders are getting done though.  I'm not as bogged down this year as I was last year.

Don't be surprised if a bunch of bags and hats appear in the shop soon.

Pass the Coffee dudes.....

7:30 am this morning....awake.

I managed to get a 15 minute nap. After that it was very clear, there wasn't any going back to sleep.  Oh well.

The to-do list for today includes working on streamlining and cleaning up the facebook page for Jade Rose Zen, which also got a slight name change.  Jade Rose Zen ThreadWorks.

Someone finally went, hey the name doesn't really say much besides being catchy.  *head desk*

Never fails, either people won't give any advice or give too much.  Thankfully my friend Erin knows where to draw the line when it comes to advice.  Lovely gal that she is.

Though last night she asked me, what the heck it was that going on with JRZT.  Etsy brings in half of my orders but zero traffic.  Zibbet brings almost all of my traffic, but no orders.  Half of my orders come from Facebook, but maybe ten percent of traffic.

*head desk; head desk; head desk*

I do plan on building a website that is my store and independent of the crapp shoots that all these sellers.  Whether or not it work out..... well, that's another ball game and one that I'm not going to address until after the move.

And of course, Jade Rose Zen Threadworks even without the spaces is too long for Etsy, but the title can have it....

*rubs temples*

How one manages to stay sane while attempting to maneuver all this shit is beyond me.   So what's on tap for new stuff coming to the Facebook page?  Hopefully by the end of today, I'll have things organized better.  I am not an ads person.  Hell, I can barely write descriptions for the stuff I make that is outside of what the measurements are.  That's all folks need right?  Along with a good two or three pics....

Seriously how the hell do some of these folks come up with this prattle that is in their items listings?

Adding four new albums to the Facebook page, including a available for custom order catalog, knitting, crocheting and a paracord catalog.

Also, I call bullshit on anyone who says the economy is getting better.  PTUI!

Go fuck a duck.  Seriously.  Last year, I was getting several big orders.  This year, I had one big one and everything is small things.  Even small things are great though, but folks just aren't spending their money.  They're holding onto it tightly because they don't know when things are going to suddenly break on their cars that they've duct taping and wishing along as pieces start rattling that really shouldn't rattle.

Hell, I know folks who are trading quarts of food they canned two years ago to shade tree mechanics to get their brakes fixed, oil changed, etc.  People are trading goods for services.   Which is a time-honored tradition by the way.  One that I fully practice whenever able.  To be honest, things are not going to be better economy wise.  There's too many bubbles, there's too many head in the sand and there's coming up probably a few years where you're going to want armed guards on the fields protecting crops.

Won't last for several years though, probably 3-6 at the most.  Americans are bred from incredibly hardy stock, from all over the world.  There's a very unique spirit there that after a time will shake itself clean and look around and go, "Oh hell.  This needs fixed, and this needs fixed...."  So they start fixing stuff in their own lives, which produces this gorgeous ripple effect.  It starts inspiring other folks to get off their asses and get work done.

Oops, there I go another tangent again... what was I talking about... oh yeah, the shop.   I'll be taking a decent number of pictures today of the paracord stuff.  There so much of it, they can literally be broken down by color.  Heck, I'll throw up a second post late today with everything in it.  Sound good?

Well, I'm done rambling for today.  Time for coffee and breakfast.  Ya'll have a great weekend okay?

More Odds and Ends...

I do believe I'm on the upswing from the bummed out episode of the beginning of the month.  Which is a good thing considering the amount of work that I'm tackling in terms of the crochet and knitting orders.  However that means I'll be cutting time online in many ways.

Outside of my music addictions that is...

I've noticed I get a weird kind of lonely.  Like not for a lot of company but one particular person's company.  Yeah him.  Heh, what do you expect?  I love him and we help each other stay happy.

Down side is I have 19 pages to type up (which are handwritten and it translates that three handwritten pages usually equal one typed page... unless you're one of those people with small and neat handwriting which in that case go fuck off.... I hate you....)

Some people are able to force themselves to write and you can't tell the difference between the forced writing and the parts that they wrote in a fit of inspiration that lasted almost all day, and yielded blah-k number of words.  Me... I can't do that.  My muse will give me weird looks when she's feeling writing lazy but wants to crochet.  Or when she wants to write and I want to crochet.

My muse is a multitask-er.  She likes that I can do many different creatives things.  She gets frustrated when I have to remind her I only have two arms. Trust me, I'd love to have two sets.  One doing the yarn work and one typing furiously down all the blasted ideas that roll through my head.

Oh to be Pilot...

I'm actually hoping that once we get the desktop built, I can get one of those write as you speak softwares.  That would make a lot of things easier because I could be on the couch working on the next project and when an idea hits, I can just start talking but keep working.  Being able to do both at once....

Hey a woman can dream can't she?  =D

Also, one more thing.  Yesterday, I grabbed up the The Giver series Omnibus.  The trailers had intrigued me so I grabbed it up.  At least once a month, I have to read a book.  Else the brain fog like I was experiencing earlier this week, just gets worse and it gets harder to get what I need to, done.

It was a pleasant read.  Four books though in six hours time is... well.... I'm a fast reader.  It's just how it is.  However, do not read the books and then see the movie.  You will be pissed.  The trailer has given me enough indications that the movie will be identical in name, character names and maybe a few elements of the story line.  THAT'S IT.

I'm a bit disgusted that the author didn't put her foot down more when they bought the rights for a movie.  There is a good story there, but the fucktards of H-town fucked it up big time.  If you're interested in the Giver series, click that link up there and it'll take you to the Omnibus, which is a better buy than all four separately.

November...

Crikey!

Where'd the year go?

Also, a happy and blessed All Hallows Day to those of you who celebrate it.

Well it's National Write a Novel Month.

"Oooohhhh... will you participating Evie?"

Yes and no.

I have a few ideas, but nothing solid.  Factor in that I just got two new orders for baby blankets from the neighbor. As much as I would like to try my hand on it, I have too much work to devote each and every single day to it.  (Which honestly is a luxury.)

I do however firmly believe in aiding others with creative endeavors, so I went hunted up about four-five writing prompts websites.  Hopefully, they'll have something that you can use.

The Teacher's Corner

Daily Teaching Tools: Journal Prompts (Try not to guffaw so hard there, you might hurt yourself.)

Poets and Writers

Creative Writing Prompts

Writing Forward: 25 writing prompts

Ya'll have a good (and productive for those you writing) weekend!

Fuck off Murphy....

punk ass.  I can see you over there just waiting for your chance.  It was a bitch ass move to make the Fiance's boots a half size too small, but those little things are the only thing you better fuck with this November.  Bitch.

Well I am back to just as normal for me as I can get.  The muscle pain is gone and well my appetite is not quite still there yet, it's recovered as well as can be expected.

With the recovery came being able to double down on work again. How much you work you ask?

Allow me to breakdown my orders for you.

Order #1, what's left of it anyways:
A green coat
A light browns coat
A messenger bag

Order two:
2 Toothless (yeap, cute little bugger)

Order #3:
A Ma Cobb hat
A dark blue and black scarf

Order #4:
Another Ma Cobb Hat

Order #5:
A large green shawl

Order #6:
Three Christmas stockings

Order #7:
Dolls (though how many of these I'll be making I'm not sure yet...)

"That's a lot of work there..."

Well kinda.  I have all the patterns, I know what and how these are all going to look like (save the messenger bag, I keep changing my mind on it.)  However I've also got pictures I need to take, and my fiance is never home long enough to doing nothing for long enough to get drafted.

I need a kid... Well... maybe not.  I need more space, which we're going to get when we move to Arizona.  Which means more cooking and baking (yay!). And I digress....

Anyways, that means you guys who take the time to read here, may be getting stuck with cheat articles of pictures of projects as they are coming along and videos of cute stuff.  Maybe some prepping or survivalist videos if I can find some I like.  (Yeah, key term there.)

Sadly I do not have any Samhain plans (pronounced Sow-in) aka Halloween for you mundanes. I'm fairly certain it'll rather simple, spiced cider and a good meal with the Fiance.  I'm rather content with that actually.

Anyways, I hope you're all having a good week, a great Thursday and I'll see ya'll Saturday.

Meanwhile, I'm going to enjoy some more coffee, and then get cracking on work.