Sunday, April 27, 2014

Just another phase

So here recently I've not done much blogging here or even working on my personal journal.   Is it because I'm not managing my time well?  No not really.  I have a lot of knitting and crocheting that I'm working on and in-between working on blogging articles for Blue Collar Prepping I'm also trying to write three different stories that I've no clue if I'll even ever publish.

I have a queen sized afghan that I haven't even been able to start on yet.  I have expanded my work area to cover much of the living room much to the fiance's disliking.  Sorry dear.

I haven't even finished his and mine's afghan yet. Or another friend of mine's....  :-/

Oh and the headaches.... eh Gods the headaches.  I've been damn good at avoiding the foods that give them to me due to allergies.  Here this path month though, I've been having headaches out of nowhere.  Why?  I don't know.  I'm hydrated.  I'm doing my daily moments of pause time.  I'm fed (and we do well for people who try to only buy what we're going to eat over the course of a few days and stuff that's on sale).  The teeth are managing to not get any worse (I'm still kicking myself in the ass for letting myself get out of the habit and then buying the bullshit that toothpaste and toothbrush were a luxury for almost three years).  But... headaches...

I haven't been able to pin it down.  They're 9 out of ten, in one of two places.  Left temple and back over the ear; behind the forehead reaching down behind the right eye.  Then there's the odd one of my right check bone and back into mostly the skull bone it feels like hurting.  That one usually only crops when one of my friends is doing something, thinking about doing something stupid or there's bad weather in several parts of the country.  (Damn being a witch sometimes.)

The not journaling bothers me slightly as the last time I went a few months without journaling, I hit some major walls and it took a while to get them broken back through.  It could very well mean I've plateaued for the time being.  Though having been here in California has been a bit stifling.  Being afraid to even go half a mile to the post office is... embarrassing.  This is me we're talking about.  I used to silence motherfuckers with a glare.

Now...

I guess I shouldn't be to hard on myself.  I have made some great progress.  Four times out of ten now, I can handle constructive criticisms from the partner without getting pissed off.  The other six times we're working on it.  I have figured out a couple different ways to help myself keep getting work done even on days where I have zero motivation.  I have a just big enough library that if my brain needs a bone to chew on, I'm good for a few weeks.

Oh yeah that reading thing....  turns out the main reason why I think I'm having trouble being able to watch movies and read books like I used to is become I lose my sense of awareness of what's going on around me.  It comprises my security.  I can't sacrifice two-three hours of my time to watch some stupid film.  I kinda hate movies these days.  Even Star Wars just isn't what it once was for me.  (Yeah, I was a geek girl long before I was a gun bunny, prepper etc.)   I like it...but I don't enjoy it like I used to.

There's a lot of that I used to enjoy but just don't seem to able to now.  Being able to reclaim reading is a step in the right direction and even then I'm only reading a book once or twice a month.  Used to be 6 or 7.

Just another phrase they say....


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