Monday, April 21, 2014

Slow death of Empathy.

Or I guess I should say, stopping caring about shallow ass humans that have zero clue on how to function as an individual.

This past weekend I have found out that I trigger a little bit, whenever the abortion issue comes up.  Now hold on, hear me out.  This boils down to two factors it seems.

One of them is the attitude of most of the idiots that are on either "side" of abortion.  They are both sneering, sniveling, assholes and I loathe them.

Pro-lifers...yeah... those worthless idiots seem to think it's okay to tell a raped woman like me that I don't have any right to do what I feel is necessary with my body.  Look, I'll be honest, if I had become pregnant and caught it before the end of the third month, I'd have had an abortion.  After that, adopted with a family outside of the state as far away as possible as the state I was in.... was one of the jackass states where rapists have child visitation rights, regardless of conviction.  (yeah, I gagged too.)

Now let me make something clear... it takes a strong woman to raise such a child.  That's not me.  And after BEING STRIPPED OF HAVING A CHOICE IN THE MATTER OF BECOMING PREGNANT THESE ASSHATS THINK THEY DO THE SAME by telling me that I have NO CHOICE.

Yeah, no actually you don't get to do that.  Fuckers like them are no better than my rapists.

Then you have the fucktarded pro-choicers.  Most of whom are of the ilk that claim it's the victims fault.  I'm pretty certain you see and guess where that usually goes.  It usually doesn't end well and I'm pretty sure I've left several of those pathetic ass snowflake progs crying at their computer screens.

The other part is the fact that it reminds of what I went through.  You know you're getting better when you don't break down crying every 30 minutes on a day when you've remembered.  Just every hour or so.

Which leads me back to the title.  I used to be terrified of hurting people. These days.... not so much.  It feels very much like a part of my humanity died in their hands. These days... I have no problem with hurting someone if they are a threat to me or people I care about.  And it really seems that whatever compassion I have left, is reserved for the folks who've earned it.  Now maybe I'm being too cynical... I do let people earn the privilege of being friends with me and close friends in many cases.  Some of my friends I've only recently worked up the courage to start talking too, but still would give them whatever they needed.  I just like them that much.

 I tend to hold back from people I used to spend every day with.  I couldn't even go to one of my friends wedding...because one of them was going to be there.  (I know keep giving vague hints, you'll have to bear with it.)

Then comes that time of the month.  Since about the turn of the year, it has teamed up with my PTSD it seems.  Which means I can't get any work done most of the time.  I literally have to force myself to do something.  Makes me miss my video games.  I could sit down and lose myself and pass the day without having to engage with anyone on any topic and be okay at the end of the day.

So what happens now?

Good question.

I'll let you know when I figure it out.

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