I can remember being ten years old at Walmart and this older woman giving my mom and dad the stink eye as she deliberately hit their cart with hers and then addressed "Lola and Randy Hively, why haven't you kept in contact?!" And my mom and dad's jaws dropping and hugging this woman profusely. I can remember her turning to me and saying "Evelyn.... My god, do you recognize me girl?"
"From pictures. With little miss baby mohawk here."
"Yeap, but did they ever remember my name?"
At which point I think my mom interjected and told her, that was her fault, it had been so long and things had been hectic. The woman had nodded her head, as it had been for the same and we spent an hour yacking in walmart catching up. I never got to see that woman again. These days.... I have my reasons to believe why I didn't know her up until that point or ever again. She knew something was wrong.
Dear Sue,
I'm sure you probably don't remember me but you most likely remember my mother. For a very long time, you were her only friend. A 'sympathetic ear' in the maelstrom that my mother had found herself at the center of. Her own past sneaking up on her to being a mother of daughters exactly like her. I'm sure you've been wondering how she's been.
Wonderfully. Especially since she hasn't spoken to you in over twenty years. I'm sure you're wondering why I'm even addressing you considering you thought I was only a disobedient child. Allow me to state something: I remember.
You manipulated my mother for so many years, it's little wonder I have memories of my father just giving my mom a look of disgust when she told him I was going over to your house to be babysat. You lied to her to so frequently about how I wasn't taking naps when told, I was fighting with H your daughter frequently....
I remember Sue.
I remember your lies.
H was sexually molesting me. You thought I wouldn't remember because I was a fucking toddler...
You thought I wouldn't remember how many of the kids in the church were like this. Either molested or the molesters....
I at this point in time, firmly believe an elder or one of the older kids or possibly even her father was the one who turned into the tormentor I knew. I recall rather clearly how he was always mysteriously absent when I was over. I also recall it was never stated who or how young the "women he cheated on you with that facilitated your divorce" was.
I also recall you blaming the orphanage that you adopted R from for the... behaviors he began to show. No Sue, H took advantage of her naive adopted five year old brother. Then we changed churches and I never saw any of again save once. I was 11 I think then. I wanted to kill H and R and didn't understand why. The entire meetup so that you could "catch up with my mom" was tense and uncomfortable.
Then you vanished. Last I heard you had hidden away in Colorado.
It's been 30 fucking years. So allow me to be precise in my closing paragraph:
I hope H and R have cut you out of their lives completely.
I hope they are doing well IN SPITE of you bitch.
I hope you know you have grandkids....and can never see them.
I hope everything you and everyone else in that church at that time turned a blind eye to in order to keep the "outsiders" from being even more critical of the church have been crushed by your guilt.
I hope your body has broken down the point you have to help just to take a piss.
I. Hate. You. For what you put my mother through with all the lies. For what you put ME through. For I what in turn did to another because I was an idiot fucking kid who couldn't know any better because you were boobs to wall determined to pledge allegiance to the persecution complex the church does such a good job of instilling in its members.
I loathe you. I hope every breath is a ragged glass filled rasp of suffering.
As for H and R.... I only hope they have found freedom.
Sincerely disgusted with you,
Evelyn
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